How to be a hoosier in two easy steps

One: After the purchase of a new appliance, leave your old appliance square in the middle of your front yard like so:

Take care to assure that all of the wires, hoses, etc. stick out like stray hairs:

Refuse to clean up the mess incurred from adding two hibiscuses to your garden while blaring a Cult CD at the same offensive volume as the neighbor's Skynard. Leave clods of dirt all over the sidewalk and all of your tools scattered across the lawn for authenticity:

You're done! That was easy! Top it all off by downing a beer while wearing a wifebeater and sitting on your front porch.

BONUS: Sit in your kitchen and watch your new appliance in action, hypnotized by that thur new technology and stainless steel face:

Alternate titles for this post:

The Repairman Laughed When Asked How Much It Would Cost to Fix Our Dishwasher


The Entire Check Amount of My Last Contract Job, in Dishwasher Form

Disclaimer: Chris won't stop bothering me until I write: "It [dishwasher] didn't SIT in the front yard; it was there for like, ten seconds until I moved it into the garage."

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Dana asks: "Thanksgiving Traditions: Yours or Your Mother's?"