- People who wildly honk their horn as a way to signal "I'M
HERE GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GET IN THE CAR AND LET'S GO" instead of exiting
the car and ringing the doorbell. Especially when it's dusky dawn. I want to go
downstairs and stab that horn with my razor sharp hatred of stupid loud crap
that people do in the morning.
- People who insist on making things a frillion times more
complicated than need be.
- Trader Joe's grapes. TJ's, I really love you, I love you
because you're like, the Whole Foods for people who would require a co-signor
just to buy a tub of yogurt at the actual Whole Foods. But your grapes are
either mushy or like rigor mortised toes. Please be more fresh.
- Liam's newfound sassy little attitude. If he rolls his
eyes at me again and I'm going to mat and frame a photo of him using the potty
chair and keep it on my living room wall until he starts dating, possibly
longer.
- Joe Mitchell wannabes whose elitism is embarrassingly
disproportionate to their skills and is apparent to everyone but them. They are
the nail in the coffin of traditional media. Their unfortunate fame-whore
aesthetic and overblown sense of self-importance blinds them from seeing their
cheapening effects on the validity of the press and prevents them from
progressing beyond hackneyed. To watch them practice journalism is akin to
watching a four-year-old stumble around in her mother's high heels.
Things I would rather keep on the ground:
- People who keep it real, even if "keeping it real" is just
loitering around a gas station asking for change so as to buy a forty.
- Banana bread with applesauce.
- Two of my girlfriends who came over when Chris was out of
town and stayed past midnight to drink beer and talk.
- Ink. I'm contemplating on getting some more, this time a
certain verse of Scripture above my elbow. As someone who can't draw to save
her life, tattoos are a way of mooching someone else's incredible talent and
keeping it with me. Some people think they look trashy which seems insulting to
the art of it; I really don't care so long as people who get them are happy
with them.
- My mother who purchased me a ridiculously-priced designer
bag to replace the one I bought at Urban Outfitters and had been using. She
said that my Urban Outfitters' bag looked like "cows' intestines." I've never
bought a designer anything in my life and detest knock-offs, but I love this
bag. I carry it around with me, even in the house, like Sophia Petrillo.
- This Ramones song. It's my favorite because - and no
insult to the late great Joey Ramone - the lyrics sound like something Liam
would write.
- Summer! Warmer weather, digging in the earth, homegrown
tomatoes, being outside.
- That my little rant on homeschooling was apparently "loud"
enough to be heard up at the state capitol. I received an email from the chair
of the House of Representatives' Education Committee: "...I will no longer patronize Subway for their
discrimination of homeschoolers. Thank you for getting the word
out. I wish I had a list of all those who discriminate against non-public
schools and homeschoolers. I've found a few myself and work hard to
protect homeschoolers as part of my job in the legislature. I can feel a
bill developing ..."
- Mullet wigs.
Your turn.
To Fling:
*Idiot XHBs
*AA for charging $15 each way for a piece of luggage. Just raise my ticket $30 already.
*Overattentive waitresses. Yes, thank you, my food is fine, no change since the last time you asked 34.8 seconds ago.
To Keep:
*Warm weather - finally!
*$1.00 petunia plants which are coming back after being woefully neglected last year
*Everyone who has donated or bought tickets to the fundraiser
I can't wait to see the new tattoo. You will post a picture, right?
Fling: 6-year daughter's attitude which is also going downhill fast. She laughed as she was being scolded last night.
- People who tell you what YOU should do to improve X - instead of doing something themselves.
- iTunes software refusing to recognize the iPod properly without you messing with the USB port each time.
- My dog for repeatedly peeing on my office floor.
Not Fling: New Nikon D60. I'm in love with this camera!
- 3 weeknights alone with my wife while the kids are in Chicago with the grandparents. Eating out and movies every night!!!
- Nintendo Wii, the greatest escape to come around in a while.
- Missouri Botanical Gardens, it is more beautiful each passing year.
- the community of bloggers developing in St. Louis
BTW, someone recently gave me a mullet wig! I have pictures of many people wearing the wig.
To Fling: Those who persecute others for their religious beliefs. http://www.click2houston.com/news/16211187/detail.html
Not to fling: My two year old son who snuggles with his momma and smiles.
Oh yeah! I am ready to fling something....is it ok to fling people?
1. Let's start with Social Workers who do their damndest to keep you from being done in time to adopt the kid you feel is right for your family.
2. Foster Care agencies that care more about the money and their own image than the people who want to foster and the kids in their care.
Ok, I feel a little better now.......thanks for that Dana!
amen to all that, sistah. (and esp to The Ramones and beer drinking girlfriends!)
Am I the only one who wants to see a picture of the new purse?
mmmm, yeah.
fling:
-kid attitudes. if they live to be teenagers it's gonna be rough.
-having to drive my husband's car everywhere 'cuz mine's in the shop for a few more days till the parts come in.
-Autodesk products. I should be able to make a pdf from one clink in one file, not 12 clicks in three. stupid freekin' monopolies ....
-clients who must have things on some particular day but then mention that oh yeah I'm going on vacation.
not fling:
-our CSA starts this week with asparagus and strawberries. YUM, YUM, YUM.
-kids & Husband ... on the whole, pretty good people, mostly fun to be around and helpful.
-aforementioned client, who pays his bills like clockwork.
-one more day till summer--measured by kids getting out of school. considering I'm a working kind of outside the home mom, I don't know why I'm so excited but I am.
Hi. I'm Ron and I want to FLING your new "sign in to leave a comment" system. IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME. (Or I'm stupid. In which case ... fling me.)
to fling:
being laid off
third and fourth interviews - give me the job already, i'm good at what i do!
not to fling:
several weeks with my kids, i'm glad i got this time with them
my severance package, without that, the past couple weeks wouldn't have been so cool.
yea for ink!! we've been discussing my next piece, sadly a job will be required first.
Fling:
- Over the top Sex in the City porn scenes
- Manipulating, guilt-tripping, passive aggressive and just plain ol' aggressive MILDEWS
- June 1sts in Portland, Oregon that are still akin to early spring, with drear and drizzle and 45 degree highs and more drear.
-hubby's new faux-hauk
- Social Media
Keep:
- All of the other scenes from Sex in the City
- Lost season 4 finale!
- Trader Joe's spicy gaucamole
- Roses in bloom in June
- ... social media.
Fling:
Changes at work, new bosses, new systems to learn and new rules.
The skater boy caught kissing my 14 yr old daughter.
The scale that refuses to move even though I have been faithful with my new gym membership.
Not fling:
The feeling of leaving work and knowing I have a week off!
Spending time with the family, even if we have nothing to do.
Walking with my puppy in the sunshine.
I've got nothing to fling, but I wanted to tell you that I laughed OUT LOUD because you mentioned Sophia Petrillo. HAH!
I'm flinging:
vomit
fever
ER
appendix
infection
IV's
But I'm keeping the freckle faced 8 yr old that is a major trooper!
I am sorely disappointed that I am JUST now finding out about Mullet wigs. Those are pretty classic.
Ron,
Click on "comment anonymously" and then things are as normal!
Oh, wait. That's probably how you got that other comment in there. Never mind.
I love the flinging days!
To fling:
- St. Louis humidity and I know its just the beginning
- My best friend, who's currently having an affair and in the process making me very uncomfortable
Not to fling:
- My one-year old baby girl who just can't get any cuter because it's not humanly possible
FLING:
The tree that fell on my daughter's backyard playset/swing/slide and my fence last Friday night in the storm.
Insurance companies that won't pay for damages to said swingset and fence because the tree was alive before it fell down.
Not to fling:
My homeowners' association who agreed to have the tree removed, even though they weren't legally liable.
My 3 year old daughter who, even though she cried when she realized that the tree fell on her swingset, took the whole thing in stride and just wants daddy to use a drill, some nails and a hammer and fix the swingset, 'tomorrow'. She's such a trooper, too. All she wanted to know was, 'why did the tree fall on my swingset?' She also wants me to move the swingset to somewhere else in the yard so the tree (which isn't there anymore) won't fall on it anymore.
Flinging:
...my surgical boot! Yeah!
...swimsuit shopping at my Target. I think they are using funhouse mirrors in the dressing rooms! I'm a size 4/6 with a relatively healthy body image. That experience left me wanting to slit my wrists.
...people who lack a basic sense of gratitude. People who errantly believing critiquing everybody and everything around them will garner admiration and make them appear cultured and discriminating.
Keeping:
...going to our local water park sans stroller and au book!
...my three children who make leaving the baby years behind a little easier because they grow more interesting and fun every day.
...Philip Yancey's "Soul Survivor." Possibly the most provocative thing I have ever read outside of Scripture.
Speaking of Scripture...are you going to tell us the verse?
...and mulletwigs? I think I want one!
FLING:
*the person who decided that we don't need security on the gates (we live in a military community) then said the agency is "committed to the safety of the military community and their families"...committed my a**
*moving
DON'T FLING:
*my Army "sisters." Where else can you knock on 2 neighbors doors at 7:45 at night to borrow a mini-muffin pan?
*chocolate
To fling:
Parents who attend a group field trip as a chaperone and seem to believe they are there as individuals, not as part of a group, and go their own way. Making the rest of us sit and wait for them to return because we have no idea where the hell they are. And come close to missing our meal reservation time as a result.
Same parents who think the rules do not apply to them, or their children. And then blame the leaders of the group because their child "doesn't feel like part of the group". Hello, McFly? If you let your kid be part of the group instead of keeping her all to yourelf, maybe she'd feel like part of the group??? Just sayin....
Bunnies who are eating my newly planted bedding plants.
Allergies, runny, itchy eyes and sneezing.
Not to Fling:
Bunnies who look so darn cute in my yard (when they are NOT eating my plants!)
Homegrown strawberries. YUMMMMMMMMMM!
My first ever tomato plants that already have tomatoes growing on them. CAN NOT WAIT TO EAT THEM!
Co-leaders of my group who "have my back" and are solidly on my side regarding the flung parent of above. Have no idea what I'd do without them.
The group of girls -- they are awesome. We have so much fun and I learn so much from them.
Flinging:
school district that refuses to let the preschoolers in the before/after school care program, and also refuses to let parents drop kids off before 8 am when most working parents have to be to work. Also, no good reason for preschool exclusion, at least not one they would give me over the phone.
My FIL, who sits in driveways and honks, though I doubt he'd do it at dawn. He wouldn't be up at dawn. Which is another reason I want to fling him, because he offered to pick Gabe up from preschool and drive him to the babysitters AFTER class, but won't do it before because he's "retired and earned the right to sleep in." I get that he's willing to do us a favor and it's an awesome favor, giving our kid a ride every day for an entire school year, but like every other favor he does us, it comes with a set of conditions that are ALWAYS on his terms. As are the favors we do for him. Always on his terms, I mean.
Swimsuit shopping. Why the hell is a piece of material that covers less than the average pair of shorts and a t-shirt MORE EXPENSIVE than said shorts and t-shirt? Fiery novas pointed at swimsuits.
bills to pay at the end of my money.
To keep:
The preschool program Gabe was accepted into is grant based, and therefore FREE!
The friend of mine whose son is also in the same preschool who is willing to pool our resources (including money) to find a sitter in the district that can watch our kids together for the half day and will be available to get the kids on and off the bus, eliminating the need for help from my demanding father-in-law. A sitter hasn't been found yet, but between the two of us, I'll be surprised if something doesn't work out between now and the start of school.
My husband, who drives me insane by calling me at night knowing that I'm already asleep and then laughing at me for falling asleep while he's talking to me, but he comes in and snuggles with me anyway.
Baby giggles; baby thighs that need to be chomped; baby feets; baby head smell... Babies.
Toddler pretend games; toddler hugs; toddler cheeky grins and promises to help their mothers out. "Lemme get the door for you, Mama." Polite, gentlemanly toddlers who still find humor in a burp, even if they still say excuse me.
Yeah, sorry for the FIL rant. Not everyone gets a second set of parents when they get married.
Dana - With regard to your fling list, the annoying honking of the car at all hours is referred to as the "Hoosier Doorbell" or the "Southside Doorbell." Although I was never a honker, I was a participant (in my late teens and early twenties) in that I would open my bedroom window and scream "STOP THE F****NG HONKING! GET OUT OF YOUR CAR AND GO UP TO THE HOUSE! A**HO**!!!"
I probably would not do this now, as I have small children who repeat everything.
Aaah, the good old days...
I love your idea of how to handle sassy talk. May have to borrow.