I need to call an exterminator. I have discovered a nest of man socks underneath the living room chair:
Guess who's favorite place to sit this is??
I think feet are one of the most disgusting things in existence. I cannot stand them. I don't like touching things that have been on them or touching them, I do not like touching other people's feet, and I don't like them touching mine. I have never gotten a pedicure for this reason and were I forced to get one I would probably throw up. Baby feet are excluded from my neurosis, only until around age three, and Ewan is almost at the age where I will find his ham hocks repulsive. It's just a matter of time.
Seriously, what makes one think Oh HEY! I'm going to take off my socks and STUFF THEM UNDER THE CHAIR instead of taking them upstairs to the hamper? Not once, but repeatedly?
Yes, there's dust under my chair. Just doing my part to keep it real.
Two days' worth right there. Gawd, grody! I can't touch them. In order to grab them and put them in the hamper I have to get the Dyson, affix the hose attachment, and suck them up at the end of the hose before dropping them in the hamper. Superfluous action, I know, but necessary to avoid any flesh-dissolving bacteria associate with cloth footwear.
This positively aggravates me beyond belief. What's even scarier is that Ewan now thinks that stuffing one's spent clothing under furniture is totally acceptable. Do you realize how unnerving it is when guests arrive and you spy a nest of evil beneath the club chair? There is no graceful way to to hide it; I once tried to kick them further under the chair except I kicked too hard and they shot across the hardwood floor much like a giant rat. My guests jumped. After that I'm sure they were so excited to eat the food I cooked for them.
Chris always says that he'll pick them up later. I've decided that later is the time that I'll write about it and post it on the internet.
Love,
Dana
Guess who's favorite place to sit this is??
I think feet are one of the most disgusting things in existence. I cannot stand them. I don't like touching things that have been on them or touching them, I do not like touching other people's feet, and I don't like them touching mine. I have never gotten a pedicure for this reason and were I forced to get one I would probably throw up. Baby feet are excluded from my neurosis, only until around age three, and Ewan is almost at the age where I will find his ham hocks repulsive. It's just a matter of time.
Seriously, what makes one think Oh HEY! I'm going to take off my socks and STUFF THEM UNDER THE CHAIR instead of taking them upstairs to the hamper? Not once, but repeatedly?
Yes, there's dust under my chair. Just doing my part to keep it real.
Two days' worth right there. Gawd, grody! I can't touch them. In order to grab them and put them in the hamper I have to get the Dyson, affix the hose attachment, and suck them up at the end of the hose before dropping them in the hamper. Superfluous action, I know, but necessary to avoid any flesh-dissolving bacteria associate with cloth footwear.
This positively aggravates me beyond belief. What's even scarier is that Ewan now thinks that stuffing one's spent clothing under furniture is totally acceptable. Do you realize how unnerving it is when guests arrive and you spy a nest of evil beneath the club chair? There is no graceful way to to hide it; I once tried to kick them further under the chair except I kicked too hard and they shot across the hardwood floor much like a giant rat. My guests jumped. After that I'm sure they were so excited to eat the food I cooked for them.
Chris always says that he'll pick them up later. I've decided that later is the time that I'll write about it and post it on the internet.
Love,
Dana
Hey, I've got the same rug but a different under the furniture problem. My sofas are skirted and collect hundreds of pieces of toys under them. They are picked up from under there every six months or so. It is strangely interesting to see what has been hidden under there.
Gabe's favorite sock depository is on top of one of our end tables. And his are smellier than any I've ever encountered. He has Man Feet smell already, but I suspect it's because he does more running around than an NFL line judge.
Foot of the bed.
Shouldn't this had technically been a "From the Management" post?
Also, I don't leave clothes anywhere in the house...except for one spot. I have a small bench by MY side of the bed. I usually go to bed well after my wife, so I sometimes disrobe from my day clothes there and set things on the bench.
Sometimes they stay there for a while. Shoot me! However, if everyone is up or I change earlier, I do put them in the hamper.
Now, my oldest daughter doesn't leave clothes lying around...she STUFFS them in the cushions, behind the piano, in the stereo cabinent, behind the toilet. The amount of work she puts into hiding her clothes is incredible!
If you DO find an extermination company that will take care of that problem, make sure you post the phone number on your blog...cause I need it, too!
In this house, the washer and dryer are upstairs. In fact, all the bedrooms/showers/dressers/hampers/washer/dryer are upstairs. There should NEVER be a need to have clothes downstairs unless you are
a) wearing them
b) taking them somewhere outside the house, i.e.: in a bag bound for the gym or beach or sleepover.
Apparently, I'm the only person who understands this philosophy.
I am so glad I have no boys in my house anymore. My favorite was when he'd throw them at the general direction of the hamper, miss, and leave them there in front of the hamper, how kind of you to leave them FOR ME! So, I got rid of the hamper. And then got rid of him. ahahahaha.
And I thought I was anal but I've never used my vacuum to pick up nasty socks. Clever!
The balled up, inside out sock? Ew...I’m not sticking my hand into that fetid mess.
You are SO RIGHT! Socks under the chair? DISGUSTING! I leave mine on the kitchen counter right by the bagels so I'll remember to put them in the clothes hamper before going to bed. This may have something to do with my wife making friends with a divorce attorney later.
Nah.
LOL!!!
I too hate feet; my own and other peoples. And here's where I go too far and provide TMI: but during, uh, "relations," I keep my socks on.
I DO however get pedicures, even though I am EXTREMELY ticklish (Did i spell that right? probably not) on my feet and it makes me squirm. But I'd rather have someone else touch my feet than me have to do it myself.
I'm with ya on the feet thing. My husband cannot fathom my problem with feet, so it's comforting to find others who feel similarly. And we have a sock problem here too. I have to say yours isn't quite as bad as ours, in that yours are at least in one pile under a chair. Here they are likely to be strewn anywhere (flung, technically, from his leather easy chair across the room). I have tried everything to break him of this habit (including gathering each and every nasty one and placing them all on his pillow), to no avail. Sigh.
Ugh. I HATE dirty socks. Don't want other people's socks touching me (husband, I'm looking at you), don't like walking around in my house only in socks. I just imagine the sweatiness of feet combined with the dirt that socks pick up and it just grosses me out. Chris knows he's not even allowed to wear socks in bed because he will inadvertently touch me with the socks. I shudder just thinking about it.
Dana,
I have to defend your husband on this one. The under the chair sock place is a standard. Any man worth his salt know that this is where socks are to be. It's a "parking place", a place for the socks to air out. Essentially, it's a sort of sock purgatory, a place where socks lay in waiting for their final laundry fresh destination.
So take it easy on your husband. The science of sock placement is complicated. Your husband is a
brilliant man..
Thx
Jimi
I don't really mind feet and I LOVE pedicures; however, I will not deal with a smelly balled-up, inside-out sock. If you are over the age of 8 and your sock comes to the laundry that way - that's the way it gets washed.
The Neanderthal in my life routinely leaves his nasty socks either underneath or on top of the coffee table. It drives me absolutely bonkers. Meanwhile, I have a bad habit of leaving my shoes all over the place, which causes him to trip and cuss. Basically, we're a couple of slobs who found each other. If you come over to our house, don't say you weren't warned....
Let me get this straight, Dana dear. It's okay for you to hang bras on the doorknob, providing double-barrel slingshots for Liam and Ewan, but stashing socks under the chair when doing the mad-dash cleanup for company is nasty enough to post all over your blog? You leave tampons in the cup holders of the minivan for valet parking to find, but Chris, the man so devoted to you he's got a wedding ring tattooed onto his finger doesn't get a break when it comes to his socks?
Sorry, but I gotta side with Chris on this one. And if he ever produces a hit blues song about the woman who wouldn't cut him some slack even though he fetched Starbucks at dark-thirty AM, I'll have to say you had it coming. And I normally take your side.
Merk - don't mistake my teasing him in any way affects the high regard in which I hold him. Otherwise I wouldn't have tattooed his initial (we did initials, not bands) on my finger also. And yes, yes, I know I'm not perfect and believe me, he makes sure I get it as good as I give it!
Dana, this is totally off the subject but, I just bought my daughter an Elmo for her first birthday. It made me think of the post you did of how Elmo scares the crap out of you. It just made me laugh, because man that thing IS scary.
PLEASE repost it so my husband can get a laugh out of it too!!!!
Loyal reader (and mostly lurker),
Melissa
OH and major congrats for the 30 under 30!!!!
Melissa
For what it's worth, I was smiling and laughing the entire time I was typing the above. I figured you're probably been threatening him with a blog post about his socks for months and finally hit your proverbial last straw.
My little girl thinks the greatest joke in the world is as follows:
"My wife has a mood ring - it changes color depending on how she's feeling. When she's in a good mood, it turns blue. When she's upset, it leaves a little red mark in the middle of my forehead."
She thinks it's funny because her mom and I don't even argue. If posting pictures of dirty socks on your blog is as low as it gets, your sons have better role models than 97% of the kids out there.
I think what makes them do the sock thing is in close relation to what makes people wipe boogers on things other than a kleenex...even when a tissue is handy.
Dana,
This is totally off the subject but I just got my daughter an Elmo doll for her first birthday and I remembered your hilarious post about Elmo. And yes, I swear his eyes do follow me!!!! Just wondering if you could post that again or let me know what date it is under. My husband would get a kick out of it, as we make fun of Elmo nightly and pose him in very interesting positions. Just this morning my wonderful husband woke up to Elmo staring at him in bed.
Thanks so much,
Loyal reader (and mostly lurker)
Melissa
PS: Congrats on the 30 under 30...that is AWESOME. You absolutely deserve it!!!!
Hmmm, maybe I should threaten my husband with photographs of his misplaced clothing on the internet?
Gregg, you are either a very courteous individual or very well trained. Possibly both.
totally with you on the feet thing
my couusin and my brother both like to put their feet on me just to watch me freak out
boys are mean
LMAO! It looks like the sock thing is a pretty common pet peeve for us women. If you posting about it on the internet doesn't solve the problem, nothing will.
LisaS,
I like to think I'm courteous...and my wife will tell you I'm not trainable. If this is true, I guess it's a good thing I tend toward courteous!
I even pick up our family's trash at The Muny, theaters, etc.
Also, my wife still gets on me about my little "Zone" by my side of the bed. I've got plenty of goods on her, too, but I'm glad she doesn't blog!
Just a suggestion....ever thought to hide his clean socks??
When my boys take off their socks and just leave them around, I leave them. I complain their socks are there, but it falls on deaf ears usually. Pretty soon, they start complaining "I don't have any socks to wear." And then I get to ask the mom question, "Have any of your socks made it into the hamper lately so I can wash them?" Then, their socks magically begin appearing in the hamper for a while. If not, I attach a monetary fine to any articles of clothing I find. Sorry, no advice on how to get a husband to find value in picking up socks other than make the clean ones disappear so you don't have to handle the dirty ones so he thinks he's going through socks quicker.
This gave me a good giggle because my husband ALWAYS removes his socks in the living room (usually at night after I've gone to bed) and then leaves them on top of the recliner chair in our living room. Yours is pretty bad but at least they're almost hidden. ON TOP OF MY CHAIR, he puts them! Augh!
You know that, between just this phobia and the Elmo thing...you're nuts. Right? Just checking. They say that knowing is half the battle.
Also, thank you for pointing out to my dense self how to comment. I am so S-M-R-T.
My husband does this with his socks too! I also hate feet and have never had a pedicure for this reason.
OMG, MAN SOCK NEST! Bwahahahaha, I am literally rotflmao. Okay, not literally, but in my head I am!
That's hilarious.
I find everybody's feet, even my own, disgusting and refuse pedicures as well. My son, who is not quite five is exempt from my foot loathing, but I'm not sure I'll find his tootsies quite as cute when they are fourteen.