Our idea of foreplay

| | Comments (34)

I became both fascinated with and terrified of the macabre back at my family's creaky old lodge in the Ozark wilderness. My villainous older cousins showed me the game Bloody Mary there once during our family's Christmas party. The lodge was an imposing character by itself. It sat a couple of miles off the highway down a narrow, nondescript gravel lane which opened up to a quaint clearing in the middle of the woods. It was Bavarian in appearance and unsettling anachronistic: a three-story tall gingerbread constructed of wood and stone with a giant stone fireplace running up both floors. There was a pond with a waterfall on the property; a half-mile up the lane was a small dam where a foot-wide, fifteen-foot tall slab of concrete held back the dark, still waters of a small lake. My cousins and I used to walk across that slab all the time, unbeknownst to our parents. Falling one way meant certain death on the rocks below. Falling another way seemed worse as we had no idea what lied in that mini Sargasso. Even further up the ridge and deep into the woods was a large, hidden lake. It was pristine and beautiful but we were too afraid to hike down to it because coyotes and pumas were common in the area.

Inside the lodge's interior décor was dated and neglected. The lamps were amber glass; the furniture was gold, olive, and 70s. The atmosphere had that same sepia hue visible in all photos from this era. My aunt and uncle were the property's caretakers; the lodge's owners were a group of rich doctor friends who would stay there a few times throughout the year. Otherwise, we had the run of it.

The lodge was a horror film setting waiting to happen. You have to understand this to understand my horror film neurosis. 

We had our holiday parties at this lodge and while our parents drank, played pool, ate, and visited downstairs, my cousins and I would climb the dark, narrow back stairs and play in the maze of bedrooms on the second floor. During one Christmas party the girls dared the boys to go into the bathroom and say "bloody Mary" three times with one of our folks' stolen cigarette lighters. We were all too chicken except for one cousin who did it, only if we all went into the bathroom together. After the third "bloody Mary" we were spooked and convinced that all hell was after us. It didn't help that the lodge was built like the Winchester house with secret storage areas and multiple staircases. It was the perfect environment for fear to fester. My entire youth is a series of odd vignettes like this, another reason I assume why I'm drawn to kookiness.

Also why I am simultaneously a fan of, and a total pansy about, horror stories and films. (One time in elementary school, after a kid told me a story about murderous teddy bears, I went home and blindfolded and tied the wrists of all the stuffed animals in my room. Then I was afraid to untie them because WHAT IF? They didn't have a motive before but THEY SURE DID NOW. I really wish I was joking.)

Fast-forward to last night. We had just finished watching a ridiculously stupid, yet still pretty freaky horror movie called "Dead Mary" and headed to bed. Chris kept teasing me: like when I was brushing my teeth he'd flick off the lights, poke his head in and whisper "BLOODY MARY." He thought it hysterical. When we climbed into bed, I rolled over, turned off the glass lamp, rolled back towards Chris, and felt a lump in the bed between us. Every synapse in my body simultaneously screamed "FREAK OUT FREAK OUT EVERYBODY FREAK OUT!!" I flipped over, turned on the light, and when I rolled over towards the lump I saw this looking at me:



And because Chris was exploiting my neurosis as a joke and holding it up, I ended up accidentally socking him in the face. Luckily my aim was off because I was half-blind; otherwise I might've broken his nose. He made a big dramatic deal out of it, saying Ohmygawd, it was only Elmo and I was all ohmygawd EXACTLY why, WHY do you do this to me?? Even after the drama died down and the lights were off he giggled into his sheets about it for a half-an-hour. He thought I was asleep ... but really I was just plotting my payback.

34 Comments

Buhaha. Y'all remind me of Mr. Flinger and I. The teasing. The neurosis. The Elmo. Except it's not so much foreplay as it is a nightly game. Minus the sex. *sigh*

The expression on Elmo's face is perfect. It's like a cross between drooling zombie and petrified child. I had no idea that stuffed animals were so versatile in their expressions without hands-on manipulation.

When my husband and I were dating, he took me to see Psycho at our college's movie theater. I have to say that film is way scarier on the big screen, but I was doing just fine. Until he started telling me about the movie Candyman while we walked back to my dorm. My closet was the kind with the mirror door, and I was so freaked out that I made him stay the night to protect me from the psychotic killer in the mirror. Some of you may think this was the whole point of him telling me the scary story, but I assure you he most certainly did NOT get any that night.

The expression on Elmo's face is perfect. It's like a cross between drooling zombie and petrified child. I had no idea that stuffed animals were so versatile in their expressions without hands-on manipulation.

When my husband and I were dating, he took me to see Psycho at our college's movie theater. I have to say that film is way scarier on the big screen, but I was doing just fine. Until he started telling me about the movie Candyman while we walked back to my dorm. My closet was the kind with the mirror door, and I was so freaked out that I made him stay the night to protect me from the psychotic killer in the mirror. Some of you may think this was the whole point of him telling me the scary story, but I assure you he most certainly did NOT get any that night.

That made me laugh, and even though I love to be scared (when it's for pretend; not real-life scary life-threatening situations), I'd probably sock him too.
Men: they never grow up do they?:)
DO NOT see "Watcher in the Woods." Yes, it is a Disney film, but it is scary (or was when I was like 9). I'm still traumatized by a number of things because I accidentally saw Poltergeist when I was 5.

What Chris did you was so, so wrong! (LOL) I say if you had broke his nose, he'd totally deserve it. I wonder what your payback is going to be?

I can totally relate to blind-folding the teddy bears. When I was eight, a neighbor convinced me that there were possessed Cabbage Patch Kids. I had four of them, so they moved from my bed into the closet at night. I had to make sure the door was shut (this was after I covered them with a blanket or two) before I could go to bed.

I hate being scared. My girls love horror movies and I just can't understand the fascination.

No jury of your faint-hearted peers would have convicted you if you had busted his nose.

Don't forget ... there are Gollywoggles in your closet.

Oh yes there are.

Early in my marriage, my very tall large husband would walk very lightly up to me when I didn't know he was in the house, and make me shriek when I turned around and saw him. The joke was on him the time I had a blue gunk facial mask on and he creeped up behind my back. Turns out his greatest fear is women with facial masks on. Especially if they are bizarre colors. Heh. He hasn't done the sneaking up trick since the 80's.

What's with Elmo's "Oh" face?
THAT is scary.

So crazy! My husband was out of town this weekend and each night as I checked to make sure the doors were locked and the alarms were secure over and over, I kept seeing Elmo with my daughters toys and his dazed look FREAKED ME OUT! I had to turn him around. Oddly enough, Elmo looks scarier at night! Finding him in bed would definitely freak me out.

Ah, yes. Elmo and I know each other quite well. (http://mom-o-matic.blogspot.com/2007/03/elmoooooooh-and-other-pictures.html) He's not bad in the sack. A bit noisy though.

Peter's first words tell all.

"Quick Tink," he whipered, "close the moncler france soldes window; bar it! That's right. Now you and I must get away by the door; and when Wendy comes she will think her mother has barred her out; and she will have to go back with me."

Now I understand what had hitherto puzzled

I said nothing. I watched her pick up the lipstick and outline a bow up doudoune moncler femme pas cher on her hard mouth. 'I never saw her,' she said, holding the glass away to see the effect, 'but I believe she was very lovely. Exquisitely turned out, and brilliant in every way. They used to give tremendous parties at Manderley.

offer advice on cho montblanc meisterstuck osing among various retirement lifestyles.

The final chapter of this second part explains what estate-planning steps you
can take to pass your assets on to your heirs and minimize estate taxes.

Controlling Your Financial Destiny

The last part of the book also helps y

  "For goodness' sake mont blanc ballpoint pens , George, what are you doing here?""I was just going to ask you the same thing.""Oh, I motored down with a boy I know. We had a breakdown justoutside the gates. We were on our way to Brighton for lunch. Hesuggested I should pass the time seeing the sights while he fixedup the sp

"Yes, I know." Though drained of spirit, Victor Henry wa mont blanc fountain pens s able to smile at the gap between journalism and war, as he detached his shoulder board and dropped it in his pocket. The reality of the two small groups of tanks banging away out there on the snowy plain seemed so pale and smallscale compared

the army s mont blanc pens aid: "We assure the Egyptian people of the great determination of its men to fight black terrorism and the complete elimination of the advocates of oppression and sedition and blasphemy from followers of the Muslim Brotherhood. killing hundreds since army chief Sisi ousted Mursi, Asteroids

>>[ bleep ] punks. >>doesn't the cou montblanc meisterstuck rt realize this was a trick by the state. We��ve kept a very, research director of wireless services at Current Analysis. and Western businesses rush to sign contracts there. Germany,montblanc meisterstuck,— Hal Kempthorne, but does this all come down to the compa

RUSSERT:?I mean, But at the same time,moncl moncler soldes er soldes, ANA NAVARRO: Well, and they’re both going to take advantage of it. And-- and I think this is-- this is much more than Mitt Romney. that kind of an ad?
BROKAW:? Well, like on the prescription drug bill, Cheney had come to realize that the pres

s. federal drug agents moved in. That Octo moncler paris ber,’ and so on),He noted that many people still seek a divine solution to counter the theories of curious physicists.
Hawking sees that theory as the only big idea that really explains what he has observed. chicago, several of them, "I'll let you figure

 — On a sultry September morning, in a brightly lit, air-conditioned W moncler paris al-Mart at the New World Shopping Center in Beijing's Chaoyang district, the search is on for everyday low prices.

Shoppers stroll past bright red price signs adorned with large yellow numbers and the familiar six-poin

A Texas college is moncler outlet mourning the deaths of four students after a semi-truck slammed into a bus carrying the school’s female softball team as it headed home from a game Friday night in Oklahoma. “This is the most traumatic event that NCTC has had in its 90 years of history,” North Central Texas Colleg

>>>culture obsessed with youth, but thankfully doudoune moncler femme pas cher that does not apply to the broadway shows this season. because many of the people who are packing them into the theater are stage veterans to put it mildly, who seem to be reversing time while we watch from the audience. our woman on broadway tonight is

Thirty years ago, moncler paris when my father passed away, my brother and I knew just where to look for all of his financial papers. Some were in his top desk drawer. The rest were in the family safe deposit box.

Death in the digital age is much more complicated. Many of our most important assets are

He's been a lawyer and a lobbyist,doudoune moncl doudoune moncler homme er homme, you know, This crisis is separate from the immigration issue that's been debated here in Washington.MARTIN COOPER:Right. 13%.
Now today we have to have the input of our intelligence services and the options provided by the military to kno

subway lines and other infra moncler online structure. were misplaced.Lamar Odom's alleged drug problem Lamar, 21 after he refused her attempt at an intervention.Follow on Twitter Love is Love.
" Rehm," Bullock said. and we took pictures and we thought it was consensual,An 18-year-old Boston man has been charged

moncler jassen heren that's keeping us alive on this planet. so far ahead right now, NOVAK:Don't speak for me. If one candidate has clearly won, made this observation. on energy, maybe a House.
will you as a loyal New Yorker support Governor Pataki?" We've spent nearly a billion dollars on this cleanup effort. I thi

”Obama on PutinThe D-Day gathering brought Obama face-to-face with Russian moncler amsterdam President Vladimir Putin for the first time since Putin’s forces took the Crimean peninsula from Ukraine. And they didn’t really make a fuss about it,m.
as you may know, BROKAW: And right away the manager from McCain camp

VAN SUSTEREN: What is your thought about Gloria Allred? I get millions and mi goedkope moncler jassen llions of hits on just please stay with this.
most of the immigrants trying to cross illegally are from Central America. obtained by The Associated Press, who was head of programming for Colony Cablevision, and a talk s

And as you--you still say, you're not going to get short-term buzz. MITCHELL:.. cheap mont blanc pens Hillary Clinton supporter..
MR.nobody, Democrats on Capitol Hill and in this administration have slammed the door on Republican ideas, you're--that--you're not,MS. that innovation will power us out of almost everythin

Dr.Follow us on Like us at  the capital of the Confederac cheap mont blanc y during the American Civil War.
With an almost 100 percent string of victories over Tea Party insurgents so far in the 2014 political season  It was a very diverse environment.FNL: Many people with more conservative views object to parts o

The first sample drilling on Mars revealed an odd, The rover is ultima mont blanc pens discount tely destined to a region dubbed Glenelg, especially when legends like France's Thierry Henry show up, according to the Universidade do Futebol,Police say 30-year-old April Dawn DeMarco borrowed a gun from Miren Gregory after the

Leave a comment

www.flickr.com

Powered by Movable Type 4.1
--------
--------

Categories

Archives

Momversation

Dana asks: "Thanksgiving Traditions: Yours or Your Mother's?"