Vanilla political correctness with sprinkles on top

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Alternately titled: Trebuchet toss for July '08. According to my records the last time I flung anything was back in April. It seems to go against my slight curmudgeonly nature to go for two months without a complaint. My day began with Ewan kicking Liam in the face while I was in the shower; Liam's nose gushed blood all over the playroom and their bathroom as he freaked out about it and turned our house into a Rob Zombie movie. Also, I'm writing this at 10:30 in the morning and I have not had any coffee or had a chance to brew any tea. Positive is nice, but sometimes you wake up with your mood shaped like the most offensive of fingers.

To fling:

- Bras. I am between sizes which is testing my sanity. The straps are sawing my shoulders off, I don't want spillage or looseness, I want a goofy freaking bra to goofy freaking work. I shouldn't have to pay a frillion dollars for it or drive a frillion miles to get one. 

- Calliou. I don't advocate violence, but I want to slap that brat. Every time he whines a part of my soul dies so I banned his show from my house.

- People who don't understand that a self-employed family who homeschools doesn't have the time to get around as easy as someone who doesn't work or someone who works one job and their biggest stress is what to make for dinner. I don't have a nanny. I don't even have a babysitter. I don't have a house cleaner. I don't have patience for people who make demands upon my time without taking into account all that I am responsible for.

- The chick who saw me and my best girl Kat using our phones at the bar and was all "Who comes to a bar to text?" ME. Hi! I do! Especially when I'm trying to direct out-of-town guests to meet us.

- The people who disagreed with Tracey for her public comment - disagreement is fine - but went on to say things about her that were fifty frillion times worse than what was originally said. Double standards rock! All this while they shouted "for the sake of community!" Irony defined. Why can't we all think differently and still get along? Why are we so afraid of unabashed opinion? If that's the case, why are you on the internet?

- The Jezebel girls. They gave an interview wherein they showed up blitzed, spoke like valley girls, and entertained the crowd with what they apparently thought were envious tales of one night stands (their interview was basically like spending an evening at a dive karaoke bar in South County). They advocated irresponsibility. But seriously - did you expect anything more cerebral from the duo - one half of which writes a column called "Slut Machine?"

- The belief that somehow the internet hampers the scope of intellectual property law. It does not. Kudos to those who look further, who aren't tempted by the false title of Google Expert, people who take the time to actually learn IP. Kudos also goes to those who respect IP rights.

- The airline industry. My awards ceremony is on the 17th, meaning it looks like I'm going to miss the pre-conference cocktails, and I'm having extreme difficulty finding an evening flight out to San Francisco for Blogher.

Not to fling:

- Guy Kawasaki, for creating the forthcoming homeschooling category on Alltop. I'm über stoked as it will be a valuable resource for homeschoolers. That being said, if you homeschool, feel free to leave links to your favorite websites in the comments and I'll forward them to Guy.

- Tazo green tea with mint. Hands down the best green tea on the market, do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars.

Heather B. for being my hot date at a corporate party at Blogher that Friday night. She wooed me and even promised to wear cute new shoes.

- Ewan, for constantly wearing his Thomas the Train engineer hat to play, to sleep, and in the bath. He has this thing for hats (he is most fond of fedoras) and I'm convinced that he's going to grow up to live in the Keys, wear houndstooth-printed pants, and smoke cigars.

- The Bloggers' Guild. I am truly amazed at what we're accomplishing and am thrilled to be in the presence of such talented folk.

The rules stay the same: list the good with the bad!


I've been to plenty of dive karaoke bars in SoCo (and St. Chuck Co which is in some ways worse) and I have never heard the level of stupidity that came from the mouths of the Jezebel girls. Wow. I'm so glad I never bothered to read their site.

To Fling:

*My Dell laptop hard drive, which has been threatening to die. After the warranty expired last month.

*The airlines for nickel and diming passengers. The latest is US Air will now charge $2 for drinks on their flights. I'll buy my own in the airport, because if I'm going to pay $2, I'd like the whole thing and not just two swallows.

*People who throw trash out their car windows. To quote Maddy, "The world is not your trash can, moron!"

To Keep:

*Everyone who has donated items, bought tickets, and helped with the fundraiser. We're gonna have a big time!

* for shipping my new hard drive in record time, and Dell for sending me replacement system disks for free.

*Dana, for her awesome advice on how not to look like an idiot on camera.

Thanks for having this!!!

To Fling:

-the genentic dispostion for bad teeth (thanks Dad), I'm 30 with periodontal disease, a mouth full of cavities. I floss, brush, and rinse all day long and it still doesn't help!

-Insurance company that will only pay up to 2500 for dental work. Thanks that should cover a few cleanings and maybe a filling or two.

-Coworkers who don't know your job or what your job entials but are more then happy to tell you how to do your job!

-The fires in California that are destroying beatiful forest and making it very difficult to breath because of all the smoke in the air.

Not to Fling
-My husband who has found way to rearrange our budget so I can get dental work done without sacrificing my soul.

-My daughter who smiles at me every morning when I get her up for daycare. She is the reason I breath!

-The ablity to get up every day, make a living, take care of my family and hopefully see the goodness that God has created.

P.S. Dana, have you looked into flying into Oakland or San Jose Airport as an altrnative to San Fransciso. They are realtively close and definately easier airports to get in and out of.


- the meeting I attended this afternoon that TOTALLY wasted my time. There goes 3 hours of my day, that I could have actually been working.

- the two year old girl in my house, who still does not sleep all night. God save my soul, if she was not so darn cute she would be dead.

- in-laws that suck! If I say much more, I may regrett it. You know who you are, and you know how inappropriate you act.

- The people who keep asking? Did you get a hair cut, when you know darn good and well - it did not look like this yesterday.

- PMS, someone save my soul. I am crabby, moody and nothing fits. I have not changed my eating habits, nor have i drank more than usual - so why the body weight flux w/ PMS. It is not good for my already tipping mood.

- my bedtime pillow. I have someone else's pillow and it SUCKS. So whom ever took my pillow I would like it back. My neck is stiff and my back hurts. I beg you,please give it back.

- to the driver on Olive that was talking on cell phone, driving in the middle of the two lanes. Pick a side before I take out the side of your car.

Things to keep:

- bed time kisses from kids. Their soft kind goodnight kisses, help remind me not to kill them.

- my father-in-law due to have heart surgery next Tuesday. Praying that all goes well.

- a good glass of red wine and a box of chocolate. smooth a sour soul any day of the week.

- my pending trip to NYC. I am like a child waiting for Christmas.

To Fling:

My van, which has been in the shop for a week because sometimes it starts, sometimes it doesn't for no apparent reason. This is three weeks after the $1300 head replacement.

My doctor, who leaves voicemail messages (while they are closed for lunch so I can't call right back) telling me they still don't know what that lump in my arm is, but they do know they want the surgeon who stops by once a week to cut it out. When I call back, no one has time to answer questions, because why on earth would I have questions. Great.

To Keep:
My wonderful church community who keep checking on me even though I have been absent all summer.

My kids, who have been so helpful around the house during the transportation disaster.

My sister, who has been giving us rides, a place to stay when she couldn't give a ride and just general support.

I know they're not cheap but I think I have a girlcrush on Vickie's biofit bra. And so far, it's held up well to machinewashing and air drying.

To Fling:

*My cell phone. My brand new, bells and whistles cell phone that works, oh, half as good as my old, makes phone calls and phone calls only, cell phone.
*Cars and AC and anything else that decides not to work this week.
*Procrastination. Flinging later.

To Keep:
*Brownies chilling in the refrigerator
*Open windows and unexpected breezes

Fling, fling, fling into the seventh circle of Hell:

1. "Raymond", the bank idiot in India who flagged my bank account for fraudulent activity, thereby cutting off all access to my money for four days. Fling. And then put on shoes with track spikes and kick repeatedly. And then fling the next six people I talked to who all said they couldn't unflag an account once it had been flagged. And a big heavy fling with sheep manure to "Clara" in India who told me to just go to the teller. Sorry, no branches in this state. I am -so- changing banks, even if I am an employee. We suck, we suck, and we don't understand the fundamental reasoning behind a "Demand Deposit Account".

2. Companies that never call or e-mail after job interviews. Makes me feel used and violated, like you thought I was a drunk sorority chick after a one-trick stand during a kegger frat party.

3. I'd like to retrieve everyone I flung in Step 1 and fling them again, just for good measure.

No fling:

1. Getting $20 worth of fireworks and spending 90 minutes setting them off with my daughter. We hit the tents around closing time on the 4th and did far better than I could have expected.

2. The City Museum. Spent nine hours there on Saturday with same said daughter. I could feel my blood pressure drop thirty points. They rate as some of the nicest people in St. Louis. If I die an untimely death, I want my funeral to be held in the vault room so when the service is done, everybody can go play with their kids.

I know nothing about bras. Well, nothing I'm admitting anyway. And college doesn't count, does it? But ...

Fling ...
-Bra hooks. (Sorry, honey. I just wanted to stay within the theme.)
-Mean people who think it is their right to be that way

NEVER fling ...
-The golf balls I just hit into lake Erie on this beautiful summer day (they've already been flung ... clubbed ... whatever)
-My old "Northern Exposure" DVD's.
-The Cubs marching victoriously out of Busch Stadium
-Carnies (Carnys? You know. The people who work at those weekend carnivals) They are cool. Even the very short, bearded, tatoo'd one's.
-Not having to wear a bra. Yet.


- My critters who are on a "messing the house up" an excretory fashion. What is up!?

- Working too long each and every day! I have 11:00PM teleconferences and 7:00AM meetings all too often. If you work that out you see that I get around 6:00 hours to squeeze in sleep and commuting (after a 2 hour meeting). Note, no breakfast.

- People that are rude on the Internet. I've never said a mean or rude thing to anyone! Check the blog, it's true! What's with the attitude?

- Intermittant noise on my DSL line, causing the rate to drop. Talk about hard to track down.

- IP thieves. Got hit a couple of times THIS WEEK! How hard is it to come up with your own ideas and pictures? At least give me credit, and all is well. Take credit for yourself, and I'll send my 6-year old to your place. Seriously.

Not fling (the flip side of the flinging this time around):

- My critters who calm my nerves and love me no matter what.

- My job, which is stable and secure, and pays the bills with a little left over. It has also allowed me to travel to far off lands, which I never knew I would love so much. Also makes me appreciate how truly, and amazingly we are blessed to live here.

- The blogger community in general, which has given me a sense of community and many virtual friends. With my blog, I have a place to use my creativity and hopefully improve someone else's day! I should be thankful someone thinks it's valuable enough to steal!

- DSL, generally rocks.


- #1, the wife, whom I can't imagine life without. Ditto for the kids.

- New camera and GIMP, I can finally do the photos I've imagined for so many years.

Dana -

People don't make "demands" on your time. They may make requests of you - and it's up to you to decide if you have time for it or not. If it feels like a demand to you, that's your issue, I think.

If you can't, won't or don't want to accomodate a request/demand for your time - then don't do it. Feel good enough about yourself to know that you're in control of your own time. No explanation is needed.

We all have responsibilities (maybe even as many as you!) and I'll bet most of us don't have housecleaners, nannies, etc. either. I understand the frustration (I work from home and have 3 girls, a wife and a dog at home all day during the summer) - but it's not the fault of the people requesting your time. It's up to you to say yes or no and move on.


PBK - I appreciate the input but please be advised that no one really knows the situation aside from what I choose to share; so I understand that it's easy for people to mis-assume. Don't worry: If I can't or don't want to do something I don't!

Tazo and The Republic of Tea have great green teas. Matcha green tea is a little $$ but worth it. Red tea is also very good, naturally caffeine free, for when you don't want or need caffeine. Another good choice is Yerba Mate from Guayaki, you can get it at Trader Joe's. All healthy all good for you.


* Having to change all our plans so we could stay another week here before our move. :( We couldn't get the SAME reservations at Yellowstone that I booked back in NOVEMBER...

* The person who scedules the maintenance of our quarters. There is NO NEED for me to stay at home 8-12 so a guy can go in my back yard and say "Yep, I think there is a broken pipe in your back yard." And then go back to tell his boss that he couldn't fix it. Duh. I told them that. They are going to need to schedule some big equipment to fix it...


* my wonderful friends who are bending over backwards to help us in any way they can

* all the people who helped us reschedule all our vacation plans

* The fact that we "HAVE" to stay an extra's not all bad...

consider yourself lucky! I don't go out buying cute shoes for just anybody! I'm so excited. It will be fun and I promise to be good arm candy.

To Fling:
Chiggers. I have never been bitten by a chigger in my life, until our Fourth of July camping trip. Now I have over 50 of them, and damn do they itch! I guess this makes up for all my chigger-free years.

Hormones and humidity. Between whatever my body is doing to ensure that I can adequately feed my baby and the customary humid St. Louis conditions I am constantly sweating. Day and night. Outside and indoors. Always and everywhere. Yuck!

Not to Fling:
Dove Advanced Care Sheer Moisture Replenishing Mist. It has been keeping my hair soft this summer despite the humidity. This stuff has saved me from wanting to cut it all off!

Vacation Bible School. When I signed my kids up for Scout Camp, Sports Camp and two Vacation Bible Schools I was worried we’d be overdoing it. Actually I was afraid I would be overdoing it. But the kids and I have all appreciated having good, clean, fun things to keep us busy this summer. I also love that we now sing songs about Jesus instead of Hanna Montana songs.

Weight Watchers. I never thought things like this were even worth my time. But after the baby I needed to do something. I started counting points in June and so far I have lost 12 pounds.

My Baby. I have to admit to being slightly freaked when we found out we were going to have 5 kids. But Mr. H is the most laid back baby we’ve ever had. Not that it’s the easiest gig I’ve ever had, but in my mind it was so much worse.

Dana, would you happen to know if Tazo makes any of their bottled tea without sugar added to it? I get their tea in bag form, but I can never find it sans added sugar in bottle form! And... have you looked at for flights? It's my favorite travel tool. I got my flight to Hawaii for super cheap!

People who give me trouble for wanting non-sugared beverages because they think I'm some picky, elitist snot. I don't have a working organ, thanks.

Don't Fling:
Hawaii in 11 days, the man I'm going with and the amazing friends who convinced me to go!

Too funny. My husband flung Cailou back in '02. I'll never forget him walking in to lecture ME! "Don't let me hear that show in our house again. It turns the girls into whiny brats."...You'd have to know him. Nothing ever bothers Cailou is wicked bad in our house. :)

Flinging: Celine Dion intending to cover "Shook Me All Night Long"---I'm on a rant about this one.

People who can't understand why "goodbye is a necessary life skill."--(credit to B. Moore for the principle)

Keeping: Mommy dates with my girls...yesterday the Kit Kittredge! :)

My 4 year old waking me daily with his requests for "breffkist." One of only a handful of cute mispronunciations we have left. A hex on anyone who ever corrects him.

Summer...sun...swimming...the lake...late sunsets...evening walks...

Thanks for the cathartic exercises!

Loading the trusty trebuchet with ....

--swimsuits that require bikini-area shaving.
--the case of writer's block/perfectionism that is making it very hard to blog right now.
--to-do lists that only grow, never shrink.
--cars. if they're not in the shop, they need to go to the shop and they're sitting on the street getting parking tickets because ....
--City resident parking permit expired June 30. Where is my renewal application like I got in the mail last year????

Still in my backpack, not being pitched:
--said City resident parking pass. if it weren't for having dedicated resident parking I'd still be walking 4-5 blocks to park my car because all the hospital employees and visitors to the restaurants in the neighborhood would be taking up the spaces.
--the teenager who lives in the next building and treats the Girl like her little sister.
--great friends in the neighborhood.
--the Girl, whose curls and perspective on the world are very much like ...
--the Husband.

I don't remember my sign in, sorry.

To fling:
Trisomy 18. My friend's little girl was born 6 weeks early and just diagnosed yesterday. It is fatal. She was given less than 2 years to live. Most babies don't make it that long. My heart is broken for them.

Not to fling:
My friend's resolve and her strength.



Job Interviews where you meet with a frillion people and don't know who to focus on while trying to appear at ease, put together, confident, and all that other junk.

Shaving - is there no end??


My baby boy - he's learning words and he melts my heart when he smiles at me.

My oldest baby boy - He's FINALLY potty trained. He's not had an accident in a long time. (Still doing pull-ups or diapers at night because I'm not waking him up to go to the bathroom if he doesn't wake up.)

To fling:

Post-partum depression
Inadequate feelings over breastfeeding not working
My crummy attitude

To keep:

My husband, who god-love him, still adores me even with my rollercoaster mood swings

My 3 and a half year old - also newly potty trained - who tells me when the baby cries, "It's ok, Mommy, babies do that sometimes."

My 11 week old - who for the first time ever - did NOT cry during his bath tonight

p.s. - Dana - try Ann's bra shop. I had excellent luck with them when I needed a bra that really worked.


I would love to connect with you at BlogHer.

I share space with you on ALLTOP, I am in the alltop.woman section. I also adore Guy Kawasaki.


YES. That IS the best green tea ever. I have a fat bag of loose leaf in my kitchen cabinet that confirms my agreement. Mmmm.

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Dana asks: "Thanksgiving Traditions: Yours or Your Mother's?"