Sending him over the hill a little early

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The other day my mother ordered Ewan's tombstone birthday cake from a bakery by her house. He had asked for an owl on top and the words "BE WARE OR BE DEAD" written on it. I told my mother that I didn't want his name on it because that would be just too weird. I was initially upset that I wouldn't be making Ewan's cake because I always make the kids' birthday cakes from scratch so that when they're all grown up, they'll sit in their college dorm rooms, reminiscing just how good they had it back at home and talking about how their mama made their cakes from scratch. And because I can be dramatic, I started to worry about how I'm not making one of their cakes this year and how, years later, after Ewan robs a bank and is taken into custody and gives his first interview on "Dateline NBC," he'll tell Stone Phillips: "You know, it really started on my fourth birthday, when my mom didn't make my cake. She bought it. At a bakery. I'm not even sure if it was made from organic ingredients."

STONE: "So that's when it all started going downhill for you."

EWAN: "Exactly. It was like she stopped caring. I wanted her to be like the mom on all those craft blogs. You know the ones where the moms sew their kids their own art smocks and always make their kids these perfect cakes? She made me an Elmo cake one year and it looked like a giant bloodclot with eyes."

STONE: "Truly frightening."

Which reminds me, when we were at Sam's, the boys went nuts over these gingerbread house-making kits. Although they begged, I could see in the future the hot mess that this innocent-looking gingerbread house kit would most definitely be and I told them "no." Plus I have this thing about food just sitting out all willy-nilly. Grody.

I'm busy working on deadlines, getting my house in order to accommodate 12 people for Thanksgiving, baking, and getting ready to anchor the morning show on Friday. I've strung the first bit garland, actual bits of cedar and pine all wired together and hung in the archway between the dining and living room. I'm sure I'll regret it a week later when all the needles are on the floor.

Garland

I'm also struggling with my fourth sinus infection of the season, jeebus, I know, it's so old already. My vocal tonality alternates between that of a 90-year-old chain-smoking Bette Davis and Shaggy from "Scooby Doo." It has provided me with hours of endless fascination. I'm going to record myself a new voicemail greeting in this hot new voice.

(I've received some helpful emails about the Neti Pot but I am terrified of drowning and doubt that I'll ever come around to using it.)

26 Comments

My (now ex)boyfriend's mom always bought their cakes. He didn't know until highschool that all cakes weren't square and frozen (ala Pepperidge farm) and he turned out fairly normal. Other than the fact he's a misogynistic pig - but that might just be the break-up blues talking!

The Neti Pot is very helpful for cleansing and upkeep but it's not necessarily easy to start when you are completely clogged. It could be painful.

When this Infection is cured, though, start using it. It will help keep the next one from coming.

Mmm. Clean Sinuses. Yay!

I'm so in love with this birthday theme. Rest assured that Stone surely will have retired by then, and Ewan will thrive, despite the neglect.

(heh)

I hope you feel better in a hurry. I'd recommend the neti pot too, but it is kinda funky to use at first, especially while you're sick. Maybe saline spray?

How about a hot bath and some tea. (We're pretending you don't have company coming this week.)

Watch out for sap. That is even worse than the needles on the floor. Oozing, sticky sap!

I like that Garland. :)
And seriously I am with you....can the sicknesses go away already?? I feel like I am dying!

The interview made me laugh. Hard.

I second saline spray. Less icky than the neti pot.

At least they WANT you to cook for them...my 8 yr old asked me why we couldn't just let Walmart make his cake. *sigh* Brat.

ha ha.

i never baked a cake. i'm in for it now.

your house looks beautiful.

i can't believe he is four. great age. he was like two when i started reading your blog i think.

happy thanksgiving.

That garland is GORGEOUS! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Dana, take heart: Ewan will have a LOT more to talk to Stone Phillips about than his fourth-birthday store-bought cake:)
(you know i'm kidding right?)

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Dana asks: "Thanksgiving Traditions: Yours or Your Mother's?"