Are you ready for another kid?

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I recently joined the lovely ladies over at Momversation, the first of its kind internet talk show, and I'll be recording regular episodes. I'm excited about doing something in a different medium. My first one is up and it deals with the age-old question of when (and if) to add to your family. As I say in the video, it's something we've been discussing and we're being gently nudged by family. Which kind of weirds me out because, you know, they're essentially telling us to do it.

22 Comments

Your dining table comment made me sniffle a little. I'm having a similar dialogue - do I have more babies? Will people think I'm trying to replace what I lost? Should Maddy be an only child now? Can I give my fiance a baby? Do I want do to diapers/teething/colic at 40? Or is this how it's supposed to be?

we are positive that we are done with 4. we always said we wanted 4 and now we have them. after we had the twins, people would ask us if we were done. we shocked everyone when we said we were only halfway there. we both come from families of 3 and are both middle children and wanted a different dynamic, but knew that 2 wouldn't be where we would end our clan. although we aren't all sitting at the dining room table yet, it is totally full.

I just watched the Momversation video. The four women talked about the emotional aspects of deciding whether or not to have more children, but nobody mentioned money. How about interviewing a woman who just lost her job at Anheuser-Busch or GM? I suspect she'd be less indecisive.

My husband and I have 8....all "planned". I used to judge it when I would be holding each as an infant and imagine that God told me this was it, this was my last.....how did I feel about that. Each time I could answer that I would feel someone was missing. With this last one - whom all the others adore - I can say I would be at peace.

My husband and I have two, and we want four. I loved what you said about feeling that someone was missing at the dinner table, because I've felt the exact same way at times. I'll be out at a playdate, and have my two kids there and would actually look around like, where are the other ones? Oh yeah, I still only have two.

*sigh* I really don't need one more blog to be addicted to, but I'm going to have to add momversation to my list. Thanks for sharing on the topic. I feel like we are in the same boat as far as whether or not to add a 4th to our family. I honestly don't feel like I handle three all that well but deep down inside me I feel like someone is missing. I have always had a desire to adopt and if we add another, I pray it's through this means because I reeeeaaallly don't want to be pregnant again. Lee is not totally on board with the adoption thing but he is open to the idea and we are both doing a lot of praying and soul searching for what's best for us. Do I let go of this dream? Will I always feel like someone is missing? Can we really handle a 4th child, financially and emotionally? It's a lot to think about whether you have 1, 3 or 10 children. It's nice to have some dialogue...

I hope Darla meant that constructively.

Way to go, Dana! I have recently been enjoying the momversations site and think you make a great addition to the group. These women are among my favorite bloggers!

I loved this, Dana. We only have 1 daughter who is 19 mos and we are hoping to have at least 1 more...maybe maybe 2 more. We did IVF to get pregnant though so our decision making is soooo vastly different than just a regular do we have another baby decision. Great momservation...hope to hear more.

This is something I have been thinking about a lot for the last year or so. I want another child..don't have time for one, but want another. But I don't think my body can handle another one. I am putting off a hernia surgery now and I would most certainly be in for a third c-section. I'm sure my doctor wouldn't be too thrilled about it. But I want a baby. It makes absolutely no sense at all for us to have another child from a financial, time management, or health perspective, but how do you get rid of the longing for another one? I am not opposed to adoption either, but I don't think we could afford that. Questions...

I love Momversations!Talking about more kids, Yes Me and my husband have planned to go for another kid that will make us four! we are looking for a baby boy this time!

You did a great job! I love your animated, entertaining way of conveying your thoughts.

We tried for a year & have reached our deadline, so unless I'm currently with child, my decision has been made. There are many factors in our decision-- age, money, state of our relationship, life goals, sacrifices, etc. Before I had my daughter,I was always ambivilant about parenthood, but enjoy being a mom & having worked with children, I know that I would like another. I am just grateful to have been able to have one wonderful child. One more would be a bonus!

After I had my first, via a horrifically mismanaged labor that ended in an emergency c section, in which I nearly bled out, I was determined I was only meant to have one child.

Then when he was three, I started to feel like there was somebody missing..and I realized that if I educated myself, the birth didn't have to happen the way the first did. We ended up with our second via a VBAC, thanks to a wonderful doctor who fully supported our birthing choices. Then, when the third was one, again we had that feeling that somebody was missing. Our third was born a year later.

Now we don't feel like anybody's missing--but we aren't averse to having more, either. If it happened, we'd be happy and welcome another child into the family.

I wonder how many people are averse to having another due to birth experiences. I know I was terrified at the prospect for a long time after my first. You'd be surprised how nearly dying on the birthing table can affect your family-planning decisions.

I do get tired of the "you need to try for a girl" chorus, as if having three boys means there's something in my feminine soul that's being denied.

Dana,
I love you, and your family. I feel so connected to you all because I ran across a blog in my frantic search for help with breastfeeding, called Satan Pants. I laughed till I cried then, and I have continued to laugh, and cry with you. This subject is something that only God, You, and Chris will know the answer to. I love your family as it is, but no matter what, I know that any child born to that family will be so blessed. Merry Christmas to you all! Especially Picasso and Cheeks!

I feel just the opposite. I have two kids and lost five to miscarriage, but my son can be so challenging sometimes that I just say God knew exactly what he was doing. He knew exactly what I could and could not handle. I feel completely at peace.

I see what Dana said at my dinning room table each night too. For us, An empty chair missing our second and even third child. After 9 years of infertility and 7 miscarriages, we somehow found some funds to sign up with an adoption agency. Well, after 3 failed matches, we have a wonderful daughter. I am so thankful for her and her birthfamily, but I am missing having a second and possibly a third child. Economy, lack of a uterus to try on our own (couldn't carry a pgcy anyway), no funds to afford a gestational surrogate (boocoo bucks needed there) , and the lack of funds to adopt again (no it is not free to adopt) until my husband can find a job again. He lost his job after 18 years with this local company. I ache for another child. I know that cost of daycare and cost of raising a child is expensive, but I don't have 22,000 - 30,000 right now to adopt again. Yes, money is our decision maker right now and I HATE THAT. We don't get that question of "When are you going to adopt again because most people that I know have hears how much it costs for an agency and fees to adopt.

I see what Dana said at my dinning room table each night too. For us, An empty chair missing our second and even third child. After 9 years of infertility and 7 miscarriages, we somehow found some funds to sign up with an adoption agency. Well, after 3 failed matches, we have a wonderful daughter. I am so thankful for her and her birthfamily, but I am missing having a second and possibly a third child. Economy, lack of a uterus to try on our own (couldn't carry a pgcy anyway), no funds to afford a gestational surrogate (boocoo bucks needed there) , and the lack of funds to adopt again (no it is not free to adopt) until my husband can find a job again. He lost his job after 18 years with this local company. I ache for another child. I know that cost of daycare and cost of raising a child is expensive, but I don't have 22,000 - 30,000 right now to adopt again. Yes, money is our decision maker right now and I HATE THAT. We don't get that question of "When are you going to adopt again because most people that I know have hears how much it costs for an agency and fees to adopt.

Dana:
I know this is totally not on topic but I can't figure out how to tie my scraves and yours always looks so great!!! Would you be able to explain how to tie it....BTW...I have 2 boys. One has juvenile diabetes and the other has Celiac Disease, Asperger's and several learning disabilities. After all these diagnosis we decided that our genes don't mesh so well...I would love another child but I don't think it would be a good idea. Sometimes, your head has to win out over your heart.

I LOVE the topic of this momversation! We have five kids, two biological and three adopted. We thought we were done after Number Four. Number Five was a surprise (we were pretty sure I couldn't get pregnant). We are so thankful for our beautiful baby boy and we can’t imagine our family without him, but my husband and I are not trying for a sixth. However, two of my sister-in-laws are currently expecting and I’m finding myself a little jealous. This jealousy confuses me. I don’t want another one, right?

Such a personal decision for each and every family. We have one daughter. Would have loved to have had at least one more child, but for too many reasons to list here, it just wasn't an option. We feel so blessed to even have her, and she was our miracle, we thank God every day for the healthy, happy child we do have. I have learned NEVER to ask someone why they only have 1 child, or why they have none, when are you going to have more, etc. Sometimes those questions are very painful for people to hear, even when meant well. You just never know what someone's situation may be. Bless you and your family this holiday season, and you'll add to your family, or not, as you and Chris feel is best!!!

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