Breastfeeding and formula feeding

Omigosh... How timely you are. (I haven't watched the video yet ... work and all that -- so this is in response to your post.)

I just (today) weaned my 1-year old. It's amazing how many people are anti-breastfeeding. The worst culprits? My own family. My mom stayed with my husband and me for a week after my son was born and was weirded out every time I nursed him. Many of my family members over the next year repeatedly asked "when are you going to stop doing *that*?" It was so hard, but I stuck to my guns.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to exclusively breastfeed, so I've supplemented with formula the entire year. It was frustrating for me, but at the same time, it saved me MANY tears from pumping at work.

I admit, the first time I saw a woman nursing a toddler in public, it freaked me out. I mean, a walking and talking little person --- like a 3 year old. But hey! I'm sure people had problems with me nursing a 1 year old. I feel like you have to do what's best for your family.

My mother-in-law acted like I was insane when I breastfed my son until he was one year. She never said anything, but she was wildly uncomfortable if I fed my son in her presence.

I actually had one woman ask me, "If he won't take a bottle, how do you feed him?" As if, there was no other way to feed an infant! This from a woman that has three children!

My daughter is now almost 9 months and I am doing the same for her. It has not been easy, but I felt that it is the right thing for us.

We all have to do the best that we can. Second-guessing each other does not make being a mother any easier. It is such a difficult job, why can't we do things to make it easier for each other rather than being so damn critical all the time?

I think you are so right in saying that everyone has to decide what's best for their own family. I struggled with trying to breastfeed my first child and my body did not produce enough milk. With my second, when I realized the same thing was happening, it was easier to not beat myself up about it. It's stunning to me how many people believe that underproduction is imaginary (usually women who've had no problems breastfeeding or childless ones).

We had to bottle feed our son some 7~ years ago due to something completely out of anyone's control. Not only was his mom wracked with guilt about it and how it would affect him, some people would comment about what we were doing was wrong and would impact his learning ability, etc.

Fast forward 7 years and our son is at the top of his class and in the gifted student program.

On the breast feeding in public part-I don't think that people who have an issue with public feeding are necessarily perverted. I think it has to do with the social norms that they are used to. Me? I think "who gives a #$%^?" Seriously. It is a baby getting food, and as long as the mother is somewhat discreet about it-why should anyone waste the energy complaining?

I don't have a problem with breastfeeding and I hope to breastfeed my own children one day when I become a parent, but I don't know if I feel comfortable with public breastfeeding. I am not a pervert and I understand what the "chestal region" is there for, but I don't know if I would feel appropriate just doing that anywhere. I think it's mostly a cultural thing/I am not a parent and there haven't been babies in my family for a long time... I don't know....

This topic is kind of touchy for me, as it is for everyone. I wanted to breastfeed my children so badly, but I fell into the category of people that just physically could not do it. This was devastating to me after my first was born.

I, of course, read all of the books and was fully prepared to nurse for a minimum of a year - you know, because it's so good for mother and baby, it's so cheap, it's GOD'S way...

But two days after bringing my firstborn home he was screaming endlessly and nothing made him happy. I called the pediatrician and after a few probing questions, it turns out my milk wasn't coming in (I didn't know this) and the poor baby was starving to death. So I had to supplement until my milk did come in. Except that it never really did. And believe me I tried everything. I nursed, then pumped, then an hour and a half later pumped again, then an hour and a half later started all over again. I ate oatmeal and drank root bear and raspberry tea (all supposed to stimulate milk production). I took the supplement Fenugreek which made me smell like maple syrup for weeks. I ordered some mother's milk somethingorother online. After a month of this I was emotionally exhausted and black and blue from so much pumping.

I was just devastated. I felt like a failure as a woman and as a mom. This was supposed to be the easy part. When I finally gave up trying, I braced myself for a child who was obviously going to have a low IQ and tons of ear infections - because, you know, kids who are formula fed tend to turn out that way. I'm happy to say that my now 5.5 year old is very smart and didn't get his first ear infection until he was 4. I had the same problem with both of my other children and all of them have turned out just fine despite being formula fed. I endured plenty of unwanted comments regarding the formula thing. One older woman at the mall actually made it a point to come over to me while I fed my daughter and tell me that it was much better if I fed her breastmilk and I should not just use a bottle because it's convenient. If I were a bolder person I probably would have had a snarky response - instead I just thanked her, then cried when she walked away.

To this day it is still one of the things that makes me saddest about my experience as a mother. It also makes me angry and defensive and I know it shouldn't. Do people honestly think that as mothers we make these decisions lightly? Aren't we all trying to do what's best for our children?

As a breastfeeding mom for the first time. I know how embarrassing the questions and the stares are! I did not breastfeed my other two. 1) cause I was freaked out about it 2) the second wanted no part of it so I pumped for a year. But for my last I wanted to feed him. My family is totally freaked out about it. They are constantly asking if I am done with that gross thing! I am super excited I made it to 1 year and am now in the process of weaning him. My family couldn't be more excited. I didn't have a problem feeding him but in public I did feel like a leeper. I often fed him in the car or in a dressing room. I say to those who feel comfortable go for it! Those who think it's perverted are just weirdos!

Well, I posted earlier at GGC and had this to say: With my first I did not produce hardly ANY milk- and I tried it all: herbs, continual pumping, that damn little tube you tape to your nipple that feeds formula down it while they nurse. I did it ALL and zip. My baby was on the verge of being diagnosed as failure to thrive. The kid had to eat.

My first trip to the grocery store I HID the formula under my groceries. You would have thought I was picking up some anthrax to give my 1 month old, I was so paranoid. For moms to be made to feel like they are harming their babies for giving them formula...well, that is just wrong. And these "nipple nazis" as we call them :) need to seriously chill the frick out.

I would like to ad that being so judgemental towards other moms just blows my mind, whether it's concerning nursing/formula or anything to do with someone else's child. Why do we feel like our way is the best way? Or that we can open our mouths and spew forth our advice just because we have/had a baby as well? It blows.my.mind.

well hello dana dear... i posted this on momversation and thought i'd post here as well, just to spread the love. :)

oh my ladies... keep in mind that i have had a sick child all weekend long and i am seriously sleep deprived. this topic fires me up to the point of wanting to throw something ceramic or glass against a wall until i feel better.
jackson was allergic to my breastmilk. AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! total taboo!!!!! a baby who literally rejected his mother's milk. you can only imagine what a hay-day the doctors had with me. honestly, we don't know why, but (and some of you on here have heard my story more or less) my son was allergic to my breastmilk, and therefore i only breast fed for 5 weeks... yes, weeks, not months la leche!
i had gone non-dairy in my diet, thinking he couldn't break down the milk proteins i was taking in my body... i had pumped thinking maybe he just didn't like my nips... i had a milk supply that could feed an f-ing army mind you, but i couldn't feed my own child without making his stomach distend to the point of him looking like he was 5 months pregnant, and making him shit alien green blood streaked goo.
within 24 hours of having jackson on hypoallergenic formula, the child had "normal" formula-fed diapers and wasn't screaming and writhing in pain.
that's my short story...
but honestly, why is it such a big damn deal how you feed your kid?? i mean, it is YOUR kid. i understand women asking women "will you do breast or bottle?" i asked people that question when i was pregnant. it's a womanly bond, a womanly question, totally get that part of it. when you spin it into a judgmental "oh, you're not breastfeeding?!?" and give people the stink eye over it, that's when i now tell people to just kiss my ass.
*** and as a side note: i don't plan on breastfeeding any future children. we are STILL, to this very day, dealing with the aftermath of jackson's allergy, because over time, that child TAUGHT himself not to eat. we had to hospitalize him twice and have a feeding tube placed for a while to get some nutrition in this boy's belly. we actually have a feeding evalution this thursday at a clinic here in baltimore that specializes in cases like jackson's. soooo... this is 9 months that i have dealt with the aftermath of what my breastmilk did to my child.
if anyone judges me when it comes to how i choose to feed future children, i may have to breastfeed them as punishment.

i had to supplement with my first and was devasted about it... i've been able nurse exclusively with my second and, oddly, i've gotten a harder time from people about the nursing as opposed to the breastfeeding. a few times i've been asked why i don't just give the baby a bottle while we're in public instead of making everyone uncomfortable. gah. are you kidding? anyways... people need to just butt out.

Ah yes, I remember the craziness of that post. And I love the freeze frame of Rebecca. heehee. (Pretend that I'm standing behind her going, "YEAH. What she said!"

Like you said. Whatever works for your own family is the best choice.

Dana,

Grrr . . . as if mother isn't hard enough that we have to deal with people TELLING us how to best take care of our children. I breastfed and bottlefed my babies and they are fine. I EVEN nursed in public! (I did have a nursing blanket, but I still managed to weird out the high school hotshot passing us by at the airport. Awesome!)

I say to let moms try and be the moms to their babies and others should butt the heck out. The greatest "advice" a mom of SEVEN (so she's beyond expert in my mind) gave me after my first was born was "You're doing a great job. Do what you think is best, it generally is." That's the kind of affirmation we moms need!

We do enough second-guessing without having to hear from someone else! Nurse or bottle feed, either way, the baby eats.

Nosy people are so irritating. I'm still breastfeeding my 20 month old--he nurses a few times a day. Whereas I would see a nursing toddler before and have to look twice (is that kid really NURSING?) now it doesn't faze me, just b/c of my own experience. He's starting to wean himself a bit and once he turns two I'll implement a "don't offer, don't refuse" policy.

I had a friend who'd successfully breastfed her first child, and tried valiantly to breastfeed her second, who was allergic to EVERYTHING. My friend got rail thin on a rice and chicken diet which she ate for more than a month as the drs tried to determine what was making the baby so sick. Finally they put the baby on a formula and her tummy woes were over (one of the hypoallergenic formulas). Formula is definitely not the F word!

my mom used to say don't judge a person unless you've walked a mile in his shoes. or her heels.

I had a woman comment to me that she saw us wearing our baby (in a Moby) and that she was cloth diapered and didn't understand why I wasn't breastfeeding. Instead of telling her to f-off like I wanted to, I just smiled at her sweetly and explained that the very very black baby in my very very white arms was adopted. She turned red and excused herself.

Look, I don't think it's necessary for us to prove the validity of our parenting decisions by knocking someone elses. My kids are happy, healthy, well adjusted and well attached to us. I have no problem answering genuine questions about baby wearing, cloth diapering or adopting. I do however have a big issue when people are in my face with ignorant opinions about what I am doing wrong or right.

All three of my boys were tongue tied, the last two so severely that until it was fixed, they couldn't even drink from a bottle. My first, the pediatrician wouldn't fix it because "he can drink from a bottle, so what's the problem?"

It HURT to not be able to nurse my kids. And I would like to personally punch my sister in law for telling me, after I praised her for breastfeeding her daughter who was born the same time as my first son, "Well, it WAS difficult, but I JUST STUCK TO IT and it worked." BAM. Like I didn't try.

As it turned out, my third was born with a severe nutritional deficiency that was mirrored in my own body; he was missing an important enzyme that I didn't have either. My breast milk would have killed him, because it didn't have the enzyme he needed. Commercial formula, however, did.

So this is to every stranger who has made public comments to me about the benefits of breastfeeding: SUCK IT. You have no idea what each mom and baby's individual circumstances are. Maybe that baby is allergic to breast milk. Maybe the mom is a mastectomy survivor. You have no frakking idea why somebody is bottlefeeding.

I have totally felt uncomfortable breastfeeding in public, because I am worried about people saying something about it. Fortunately, I haven't ever had anyone make a mean comment. I breastfed my first for a year, and I have been breastfeeding my second for 7 months. I have gotten more relaxed this time around, though. Fortunately, everyone has really supported me. I did supplement with formula the last couple of months with my son, and I did feel guilty and embarrassed about it. I agree with you that it is much easier and cheaper to breastfeed if you can.

I have been on both sides of the feeding fence. I have had two children biologically and have adopted three. If I could have I would have nursed them all, but the necessary biology wasn’t there to breastfeed the middle three. Breastfeeding is wonderful – it’s cheap, it’s easy – but it’s not the only way. It makes me sad to hear that there are moms out there getting criticized for feeding their kids. It also saddens me to hear that there are moms out there who won’t breastfeed their babies in public because of what other people might say. I don’t think there are too many people with the nerve to say anything to a nursing mom. I have gotten some looks when I breastfeed in public, but more smiles than stares. And no one has said anything negative.

Thank you for this video.

I have a 9.5 mth old and am trying to start the weaning process. I am so, so, so tired of breastfeeding. I am tired of being bitten despite doing all the thing the La Leche League tells you will make it stop. I am tired of being the only one who can comfort her. I hate my breast pump. I hate feeling like a milk cow three times a day, three days a week while I'm working outside the home.

I'm going to start limiting her daytime feeding and offering a bottle before bed.

I have all these voices in my head. Voices of the local mamas who are mostly SAHM. The voice of my midwife and my mother-in-law who breastfed for more than a year. Ringing in my skull, is all this pressure to be gentle, to be wonderful and uncomplaining and never irritated with your child. That any need for time alone, that any feelings of being touched out are illegitimate.

I made it this far and any effort to congratulate myself is tinged with an unspoken judgment that I didn't make it far enough. That if I were a little less selfish, a little more patient, I could continue.

But I don't want to.

I always felt like I had to defend myself on why I formula fed my children....especially since I am very vocal about supporting breast-feeding where ever you feel most comfortable doing so, with some modicum of modesty to make others comfortable as well. Unfortunately I was not able to breastfeed since I had a medically necessary surgery on my "girls" in college and that surgery made it impossible for me to nurse. It didn't hinder my bonding with my children, and it encouraged bonding with the kids and my husband! We got to alternate who got up in the middle of the night, which equaled more sleep for me....which was a bonus! :)

Ultimately I think either way can be the perfect choice.

Great Video.

I completely second your comment about choosing to breastfeed because you're lazy. I love not having to deal with bottles, especially at night. I would also add, it is so much cheaper!

We just pasted a year, and I'm just starting to get the when are you going to stop comments. Even our ped wants me to start the transition to cow's milk. It drives me nuts. I'm not hurting my child. He's happy and healty and will eat anything I put in frount of him. But he still wants breastmilk. He asks for it. Why deny that to a child because its socially unacceptable? I have no problem with formula or cow/goat milk, but I'm not going to go out and buy it when I make milk for free!

And to comment on nursing in public. I try really hard to be descrete because even my husband is uncomfortable with other women nursing. As he puts it: where do you look? If you look at them you're a perv, if you don't look you're judging the action as unacceptable. So I try not to draw attension, I will even ask if I can use a back room or office. I have had some really positive responses, and some really negative responses. My attitude is if I try to be respectful to your business/customers and you are rude to me I will flash my boobs to you're entire resturant/bookstore/coffee shop/whatever. And I refuse to nurse in a bathroom. That's just gross.

I have to agree with you on this one- I breastfeed 'cause I'm lazy [I love just "whipping it out"] and apparently, being lazy is okay for once.

On the other hand, breastfeeding nazis and boob-watching perverts tick me off to no end. I'm going to feed my kid whatever I want, wherever I wish to. *You* can feed your kid whatever you want to, wherever you want to, as long as you're actually feeding them.

"My boobs, my business...[and your boobs are your business]"

As a single dad that raised my kids since they were 3 and 1, it obviously was impossible for me to breastfeed, however I view a woman's choice to breastfeed, publicly or privately, as natural as it was for me to be the primary caregiver to my children. It is NATURAL, and in this country it is also a PERSONAL CHOICE! I have seen many women breastfeeding their children over the years and in my little town in central Illinois I've never heard a disparaging word. Breastmilk or formula? Doesn't matter, as long as the baby does't go hungry. Keep it up Dana!

On this one, I'm going to have to disagree. I think breastfeeding is a public health issue and it's not just a choice you make.

With that said, I lay the blame not at the feet of moms but at those of medical professionals who either aren't knowledged enough or just don't care enough to support women.

I was formula fed too, but I breastfeed and as a lazy mom enjoy the benefits.