Trebuchet 2009

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It's been far too long since I've left you without an acceptable form to medievally fling that which has been killing your soul. What's that you say? "medievally" isn't exactly a word?


1. Anyone who doubts the sovereignty of this website and the right under which I have to completely make up words at my lezzure.

2. This made-in-China POS Dell computer which taunts the will to live and my very soul from this fleshy shell. I want to disassemble and waterboard every last bitty bit of it. And then put a bag over its head and pose whilst giving the goat behind it. Somehow, that doesn't seem harsh enough.

3. Anyone who wants to raise my taxes in a recession.

4. The people who think that because I do the majority of work from my home and that I homeschool my children that I must have the time to do any number of things for them. I wake, work, breakfast, kids, lessons, email, lunch, lessons, email, kids, dinner, house, bedtime, work, work, work, email every single day - and on the days I'm at the station, driving the kids to outside lessons/playgroups/the store, etc. that schedule lengthens so get off my crank about it, would you please? I'm tired of dealing with the resentful attitudes of those who haven't a clue or the courtesy to ask about what I do in my day.

5. Anyone who allows politics to get in the way of friendship. It's ironic because politics are supposed to be public service, which is to serve others, to put others before self. If people are too narrow-minded to to connect with people on a deeper level beyond that of political affiliation, it says more about their lack of diversity in thought and unspoken perpetuation of bigoted societal stereotypes than it does about the person with whom they disagree. And I just don't have the patience or the heart for that.

6. St. Louis drivers. Was something recently released in the water? I have driven and been driven in various other cities and countries and I've noticed that there is an abnormal concentration of people who cannot drive or understand traffic laws here. Like the dude who threw his car in reverse and expected me and the FIVE OTHER PEOPLE BEHIND ME to back up so he could parallel park? And caused us to miss two green lights because he stubbornly refused to move forward? And I tried to mime to him from behind my steering wheel FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO PARK OR SO HELP ME I WILL BEAT YOU WITH MY WINDSHIELD SCRAPER. Or the lady who, as I made a left turn at a traffic light when given the green arrow, tried to ram her car into mine and then proceeded to honk at me for a solid minute and acted like the was going to hit me until I put my car into park in the middle of a parking lot, exited my vehicle right there in public, and lost my mind on her. Because I am the smartest person on planet Earth. My genius, LET ME SHOW YOU IT. All of that brassiness left her when she realized that my crazy beat her crazy. Gawd I am ashamed.

So for all the people who snottily s..t..r..o..l..l across the crosswalk when they see cars coming, for the people whom God has given the ability to drive yet withheld their common sense, the people who drive like they are the only people on the road ... I FLING ALL OF YOU.

7. The fact that Sam's does not carry Sam's Choice cola. Are they serious? WTH? "It's only at Wal-Mart," said the lady who eyed me as I ate my second egg roll sample. I have to drive 25 minutes to get to the nearest Wal-Mart which negates the idea of us moving to a pedestrian-friendly area. When I go to a super store and get my super-sized drink I expect to be able to purchase the cheap cola along with my five-pound bag of shredded cheese, thankyouverymuch because this is America.

8. The lack of an Ikea in St. Louis. I am going to break rank and pledge my mayoral vote to whomever can bring in an Ikea (among other things, but mostly the Ikea because I'm going to be shallow and sulky). Mayor Slay, I'm looking at you. I cannot pronounce a single stupid thing that store sells but I love it all. The Zxveqqwrtchienbok? I WANT THAT. I can see my little family, all of us sitting around the Drudethcngkfyrjjin enjoying a meal off of our Mhjjiuqqqqwqerespchleins while the entire room is warmly lit by a Schnudefrhakehhienjhn. Idyllic, isn't it? I mean, YES, the majority of it looks like white plastic furnishings found in a wholesale catalog that specializes in chemical cleaners and workboots but by gawd if the Swedes are selling it it must be FANCY. Plus those names? Way better than Standard White Dinner Plate or White Plastic Parsons Table. I want to fill my home with Mhjjiuqqqqwqerespchleins.

Things I do not want to fling:

1. The delicious goodness that are Sloppy Joes. I made a can for Liam and Ewan one evening and Liam was all "This is like spaghetti ... on two slices of bread!" I totally felt like Cousin Eddie for a moment.

2. Animal Crossing on Wii. Liam loves this game and it's so weird to me when he says things like "Yeah, I had to stop by Nook's today to sell some fish and then I went and paid my mortgage." I feel completely safe with him playing it and I don't have to worry about a computer-controlled rabbit showing him her cotton tail. Our of curiosity I created a character and got a little house; much to my relief it wasn't like that Second Life business that I hear about where all the women dress like hookers and even bald men can have long hair.

3. The little brownies from Trader Joe's. I stopped caring about abdominal six packs after I read some article where it says that women, if they cut too much weight beginning in their late twenties, will lose the fat that plumps out their skin, thus giving them fine lines and possible wrinkles, making them appear older than necessary. So I am totally using that as a crutch as to why I am going to eat Trader Joe's brownies at 9pm while watching a Tivo'd episode of "Tool Academy."

4. Rock of Love VD Bus. DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. I spend the majority of my day doing selfless Mom Things and being responsible and working and this is my vice. Chris has to physically restrain me from making a mad dash to the kitchen to grab the Clorox wipes for which I'd wipe down the television after but ohmyholyMoses: no matter how bad a day I've had, it will never match that of an adult film actress who stole a bunch of girls' nasty, sweaty hockey socks.

5. My new French Press. Our older, cheap one busted one day and I licked the shavings out of the coffee grinder until we bought more beans and this fabulous little press at World Market. I asked the internet about it on Twitter and this is the one the internet told me to get. Baaaa.

6. World Market. It's like an international bazaar without the bugs, beggars, odd smells, and sweaty tourists. If most of the products at that bazaar had a "MADE IN CHINA" sticker affixed to them. I really like their rugs.

7. Texas Roadhouse steakhouse. There are four things in life that make me feel distinctly American:
a) Making fun of French people
b) Lighting a bottle rocket out of a can of Stag
c) Shopping at Sam's
d) Eating at Texas Roadhouse

I like red meat, particularly meat that's cooked medium rare. I refuse to eat cooked fish (why when there's sashimi grade?) and I'm getting to the point where I almost think it's insulting to cook perfectly marbled, bright-red steaks. Anyway, I love this restaurant because they play Dolly Parton and you can get a gigantic steak and a loaded sweet potato. The only thing that weirds me out is that each table gets a bucket of peanuts and patrons are welcome to toss cracked shells to the floor. My kids were completely aghast the first time they saw it.

8. Free speech. I refrain from getting too political here because this is sort of my escape from that, but regardless on which side of the political spectrum you fall, the government should stay out of legislating speech for anyone, any party, period. I wrote about such here

9. The dog-squirrel in my backyard that I have been battling for over a year now. I sat a bag on my deck to take to the dumpster and went back in the house to empty the kitchen trash in in those three minutes, lo, the dog-squirrel was up on my deck trying to pick its way through the plastic bag. I rushed out the door and yelled at it - while I had my wet hair in a towel wearing a pair of pink pajama bottoms with monkey faces all over them, mind you . When I turned to go back inside my neighbor, who was outside, gave me the blank-eyed, slack-jawed automatic wave one gives when terrified.

10) Ewan's progress on his K5 material. Whereas Liam is not competitive Ewan completely makes up for it and is flying through his workbooks. He writes well, despite the fact that he likes to write an M2 after his name on all of his papers which means it looks like this: EwanM2.

What would you like to fling? Just remember to temper it with something good!


To Fling:

1. In-laws

2. Elementary School Politics (don't ask)

3. Overseas call centers when you are trying to figure out a billing problem and you can't understand the person on the phone and they can't understand you

Not to fling

1. My husband (even though he drives me nuts)

2. My kids (same goes as above)

3. My friends

I would like to fling:

1. Feeling self-conscious around other women because they are thinner/blonde/pretty. I am tall, thin and pretty, too.

2. Feeling denied just because I can't have the things that I want and can't save enough money.

3. Being taxed too much based on a bright line rule that has nothing to do with where I live (New York City) or the fact that I paid for college and law school my own damn self.

I do not want to fling:

1. Seeing the American Flag flying above my apartment building and singing the Star Spangled Banner before sports games. It makes me feel patriotic. And a little weepy.

2. A day with less anxiety than I have had in 2 weeks.

3. Booking our hotel room for London.

4. Random acts of kindness.

OOOO Boy what a good post for a Monday!

1)I too supremely dislike people who cannot drive and are apparently unaware of any sentence they EVER read while studying for their drivers test. Due to my chosen profession I drive close to 300 miles most weeks. I see some of the stupidest *bleeping bleep* you can imagine. It drives me absolutely nuts! Oh and YES btw lady putting on make THIS morning-you did come within three inches of sideswiping me while illegally changing lanes without looking and YES dude making an illegal left turn holding up at least 8 cars, on a green light, for more than 15 minutes, on an extremely busy Saturday afternoon, on a MAJOR thoroughfare-YOU were in the wrong and I did honk my a$$ off at you-CAUSE I HAD SOME WHERE TO BE!
2)Teenagers. That’s all. I have some. I don’t like them.
3)I’m going to steal another one from Dana-people who think because I am self employed I lay around and eat bon-bons all day. Ummm, I have not put in less than 60 hours a week in 8 years. I service over 150 small and medium businesses in the metro and outlying areas. I run my home, two teenage girls and a husband. I WORK ALL DAY. I just worked all weekend. What do YOU do?
4)People who EXPECT me to fix their computers for free. This would include friends (all of them, even ones I don’t know/like that well) and clients with no money. If you don’t want to pay-don’t call me. If I CHOOSE to do it for free, that’s up to me.

Since my head is about to explode-I will go to the good stuff to bring a smile to my face.

1)Oh my, I too love Texas Roadhouse! I tell them to just show my steak to the fire, say “There, that is fire.” and bring it out to me. It doesn’t really even have to quite be done mooing if that helps them out. MMMMM so good.
2)My work. I thank God everyday that I get to do something I love fully with all my intelligence, I find wonderfully challenging enough of the time and I get to run things the way I want by being a small business owner. I do not know what I would do if I had not started doing this 15 years ago.
3)My baby puppy who is no longer a baby or a puppy. He is terribly behaved and has a bad haircut all the time, but he is my 9 lb terror and I love him. I got him to spoil and well……he is that. We are joined at the hip and I think he loves me more than my own children love me. (Of course I don’t catch him on the phone at 1AM or wearing my clothes, so maybe that’s why.)
4)My daughters-who are both bull headed and strong willed. They are awesome young ladies and I raised them to have their opinion because I think they should never rely on someone else to tell them what to think-not even me. They drive me crazy mostly every day, but I love them fiercely and I am always proud of them.

Wow, thanks I needed that. Have a great day!

Flinging ...
1. Cleveland. Yes, all of it. Into whatever lake is nearby (I'm looking at you, Mr. Erie.)

2. The egg roll appetizer thing I ate at Arby's last night and is keeping me OUT of the office today. Throw the egg rolls at Cleveland and then into the lake.

3. Cold. I love winter but enough is enough.

4. People who insist that the world as we know it is ending because of the mega-recession. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't but can I please enjoy just one-freaken-more meal out with my wife before we all move into refrigerator boxes?

5. The Palm Centro that I really honestly DID throw into a particular body of water before leaving Cleveland. And no, it did not splash. It thunked. The splash will come when that same particular body of water eventually thaws out. Like in August.

Never Flinging ...

1. The Amazing Elle

2. The heartland of America. St. Louis IS the heartland. Cleveland IS the epidermis. They just haven't figured that out.

3. Sonic. (Where were you when I needed you?)

4. Lions Choice. (See above)

I could go on but I think there may be a pattern developing and that wouldn't be good...

a. Post Nasal Drip
b. People who hack and sneeze in public with reckless abandon, as if their germs were a stimulus package intended to be spread far and wide. Can a brother get a cover for that rhinovirus action?

No Flingy:
i. Baseball spring training!
ii. Having the courage, when Beyonce's Single Ladies comes on, to show my kids just how funkafied their dad is.
iii. The charity of my children not to laugh at me.
iv. Paczki - the Polish, pre-Lenten, sugared goodness at fine bakeries everywhere this month.

I've been stalking you're blog for a while and have yet to comment. Been meaning to just not gotten around to it before. Today seems like a good day!

1. People who critisize homeschooling based on nothing but anicdotal evidence! A friend of a friend posted a blog the other day about why he fears the rise in homeschooling. Had to remind myself that pulling his intestines out through his nose via the computer wasn't going to do anyone any good.

2. I love your number 5 and think I'll put it on my list too! I totally don't agree with your politics (being the bleeding heart liberal I am) but always find your thoughts insiteful and well thought out. And it's been fun realizing that I don't have to agree with your politics to revel in your excitement over attending a political function.

3. (Sorry to rub this in your face but...) The fact that the IKEA that just opened up here in Charlotte was so abbsurdly packed this weekend that they were suttling people from the amphatheater parking lot 3 miles away and therefore we did not get to go. I've been schreeking like a little girl over the fact that we were getting one since I heard about it like 2 years ago and we didn't get to go. Apparently, I wasn't the only one excited about it opening.

4. Myspace! Since my profile is totally wacked and I'm probably going to have to delete it all together! Thank goodness for having a blogger account where I can archive all my blogs.

5. The whole car titling and registering process! Why does it have to be so freaking complicated!

6. The fact that I finished my last GirlScout carmel-chocolate-coconut cookie thing last night and I haven't seen any more girlscouts out selling anymore.

Not to fling:

1. The fact that I worked 2 days worth of overtime last week and will therefore get to take three days off this week!

2. My wonderful husband who politely suffers through my diatribes about people and their judgements of homescooling and my defense of it, afterwhich saying, "Honey. I AGREE WITH YOU! That's why we're planning to homeschool!"

3. Our DVR! I swear it's the best $20 a month I've ever spent!

4. The fact that I've reconnected with an friend from childhood, and we've dropped right back into step as if we hadn't been apart of 20 years. And the fact that even though we don't agree on politics and religion we can still have a wonderful time discussing things in a resptful way. Or just talk about things we do agree on. :-)

5. The fact that we ordered our tickets to Riverdance and Phantom of the Opera yesterday! Woohoo!

Hope everyone has a great day!

Not sure about flinging, because I'm relatively new to your blog (although I've been lurking for a good month or two).
But I had to comment on IKEA. I agree with you wholeheartedly! My friends and I have to get our fix every year so we drive up to Bolingbrook, IL early on a Saturday morning to shop an then drive back home that night. Ridiculous, isn't it? I have sent many emails to IKEA asking them to open one here... IN VAIN!
So is that actually a fling for me then?!
(I'm such a dork.)

You are my new BFF. It's like I wrote my list and posted it on your blog.

I've recently moved to NYC from St. Louis and have to say at least they use the crosswalk. I've already had the B-word flung at me for almost hitting someone who decided to cross the street when I had the green light. BTW, the yellow lines are optional on streets where double parking occurs. Or at least that's what my children think.

I just want to say I am super excited to have found your blog. I love reading a blog from a fellow St Louisan who is funny. Enjoying it!


St Louis drivers who can't seem to comprehend how to merge on to Telegraph from 270.

People who ask me if I breastfeed my 4 mos old son (I don't). I just don't get how my boobs are their business or why whether or not I breast feed is interesting. Is that a way to size me up as a mother? I don't know, I just find it super annoying.

No Flings

Reward programs like Pampers Gifts to Grow and Babies R Us Rewards I am so addicted to wracking up points and getting free stuff.

Bravo's "Real Housewives"...I love them-their so ridiculous and petty but I can't stop watching. I heart them all.

Okay, not organized enough today to have a list of fling/no fling, but I'm dying to know the significance of Ewan's "M2".

winter be gone

hello hugh jackman

eh, I live 25-30 minutes from an IKEA. someday I'm going to marry an IKEA employee or one of the sofas. as long as it is branded IKEA.

the irony, all i've ever bought is a mug/ a rug/ and a stuffed crab, and ok, a small blue desk that is right now in a corner in kitchen and not serving much purpose.

Our future is up in the air over things
beyond our control.

Watching a parent work two jobs.

Sickness. Watching someone you love going

Not fling:

I agree with Michelle, I too have a mutt mix
with no manners that is spoiled and she makes
me smile everyday!

Catching up with old friends and a few
young and innocent crushes from the "good
old days" on Facebook.

Reading a good book that is so delicious that I can't put it down. Thank you James Patterson.

A short "to do list" on my days off.
Reading a

Fling: my husband for not backing me up when trying to teach grandson to actually read the book, before taking driver's permit test.
Not to fling: God and all his goodness.
My sweet mom, grandsons, & my husband, who works way too many hours at two jobs.

To Fling:
1. The in-laws!!!
2. This vicious, never-ending winter

Not to Fling:
1. The sun finally showing itself!!!!!!
2. Warm cozy blankets on these below-zero days
3. My hilarious clown of a 13-month old daughter, who keeps me launghing and smiling all day long :) Even when it seems like the day can't get ANY worse! Definitely not flinging her!


1. friends who are bitter and negative nancy about our move to arizona and refuse to see the positive things for our family.

2. any temperature below 45 degrees.

3. selling my house

not to fling:

1. family who are being positive about said move when i thought they would stomp around all over us about it.

2. arizona weather

3. buying/renting a new house with a pool.

I'm flinging:

1. The squirrel who thinks the bird feeder hanging on the deck is his his own personal Nirvana.
2. Drivers who think that they need to drive five miles below the posted speed limit on roads with only one lane in each direction.

1. My DH, even though he's looking for a job and I've been seeing a WHOLE BUNCH of him lately!
2. Daffodil bulbs poking up next to the front door.

Girl - I am so with you on Ikea. I weep every time the catalog comes and I find something to love and then I look at the shipping cost. Also, have you thought about an Asus computer? I destroyed 3 Dells and 2 Gateways in the last five years; my Asus just keeps humming along....

1) The kid who knocks down my garbage cans every Thursday morning when he parallel parks in front of my house. Seriously, STOP that. The garbage man can't/won't pick it up if it's on the ground and I have an infant who runs through diapers like no one's business and I am tired of picking up all the broken bags. Next week, I'm piling them on your car!

2) My mother in law and her constant updates on a pregnant family member. I had a miscarriage last fall and I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THEM. I am happy for them, but I do not want to hear about ultra cute photos of their toddler kissing mommy's very pregnant belly.

3) Having to do a interview/presentation when I've already made up my mind not to take the job.

NOT Fling-

1) My daughter, my husband, and my dog.

2) The Twilight series - I've become strangely addicted to these books and do not want to finish Breaking Dawn....

3) My parents for coming out and helping us in bad times and not judging.

4) My girlfriends and craftnite (which should really be called "w(h)ine nite").

5) My subscription.

I too would like to know the significance of the M2 at the end of Ewan's name.

Let's see, to fling:

1. My dishwasher. It makes a lot of noise, but I'm not sure its actually doing anything.

2. I totally agree with Michelle on teenagers. I have one and, like my dishwasher, he makes a lot of noise and I'm not sure he's actually doing anything. People keep promising me that it will get better and that someday he'll speak to me with a tone that doesn't reflect total disdain...we'll see.

Not to fling:

1. My impending trip to Napa with my girlfriends from college that I haven't seen FOREVER!

2. My dog, Linus. He's an old black lab that lays around like a lop. He lets the little ones climb all over him and drive Hotwheels on him and he never makes a peep about it.

3. Hugh Jackman. Enough said.

To Fling:

1. Sassy 3 year old's.
2. Children's birthday parties; large or small. Ugh, I'm not up to doing this....
3. People who do not put coats on their children in the winter. I saw a man carrying his 9 month into daycare this morning with NO coat and NO socks!
4. Husbands who work late.

Not to Fling:

1. Husbands who do have a job ;)
2. My family.
3. King cake....
4. I will second Hugh Jackman!

First, the Ikea product names made me laugh so hard - they remind me of the opening credits of The Holy Grail.

Okay - to fling:

1. The slow grinding wheels of justice.

2. Cold weather.

3. Taxation w/out representation.

4. Hotels and convention centers who will not let me bring in professionally prepared donated food. It's a fundraiser, I don't want to pay $20 a person for rubber chicken!

To keep:

1. My husband-elect, who keeps me balanced

2. Maddy, who makes me laugh

3. My current love of exercise. My energy is up and I look and feel much better. I hope to keep this attitude going.

4. My job. It can be tedious, but I have one, and I'm grateful.

Boy, You've been storing these up, haven't you?

I can't really add too much to your list right now, 'cause I seriously think St. Louis drivers are currently single-mindedly trying to KILL me (and I say this as a life-long St. Louis resident).

IKEA should be located in part of the currently abandoned St. Louis Center.

I love Animal Crossing and play it on a nearly daily basis. You should visit our town! (and anyone else here that plays) Also, play the turnip market, that's how you make serious bells.

I'd like to add a single fling:

1. People who spend all their time griping about and being jealous over people who are "more successful" than them. Um, hello? You make more than 90% of the WORLD'S population? Why focus on the remaining 10%? Besides, the vast majority of those people give up all freedom and personal time to make that kind of money, or be that successful at a business. Not worth it to me!


I'm in new love, so I can't think of anything to fling at this moment...And I loved Animal Crossing when I had it on my gamecube. Knowing there is a Wii version is almost enough to make me want to buy a Wii and succumb again to the dark pit that is video games. (I maybe have a little addiction problem with playing some games until all hours of the night. Like Animal Crossing!)

In regards to fling #6 as a transplant to St. Louis I could not agree more!

This past week I had a friend in town from Colorado to attend Mardi Gras. After all the madness of the weekend down here I asked him on his way to the air port "what have you learned from this trip?" Thinking he would respond that it isn't good to start drinking at 9:00am, or that it's always better to have more food than less food in the house when having a party, maybe that crowds of drunk people make for great entertainment, perhaps that I am insane for the amount of time I spend talking to my dogs or that I make the best french toast in town. instead he replied "People here can't drive for shit!"

Dana, I'm sorry it has been so long since I've dropped in, but here I am, ready to fling! I'm still catching up from the party fest of the holidays and then two birthday parties in the same month, both of them milestones. Oy.

To fling:
1. The asshole in the oncoming lane who wanted to make a left turn, nearly did in front of me, then stopped in good time so as not to hit me and then proceeded to call me a 'f***ing C**T' because apparently my five miles over the speedlimit wasn't fast enough for me to get out of his way. He owns the world, don'tcha know?

2. Those automated calls telling you that oh no! your mortgage is in trouble, press 1 immediately for a solution to this problem! I pressed 1, and should have gotten the company's name before I told them that a. my mortgage is fine and b. I'm on the national do not call list, so DON'T CALL ME AGAIN! Biatch hung up on me.

3. My babysitters, for trying to deal with a behavior problem in-house without telling me, and then when said problem comes to light telling me that if it continues they may not be able to keep my son because it riles up the other kids and causes too much chaos. Hello! Tell me about it LONG before it gets to that point, wouldja please?

4. Certain family members who have an entitlement problem and expect everyone else to bow to their wishes, and who may or may not exploit a certain health issue to their advantage should they feel the need to remind the rest of us how close to death's door they were.

5. Certain coworkers who think that my asking them to come to look at my computer screen while I explain something to them is too much to ask and then tell me that they "aren't in the mood to listen to me," followed by 3-days-&-counting silent treatment.

To not fling:
1. My husband and my kids. They are my light, my joy, and the reason I get out of bed in the mornings.

2. Our new camper. Because it has a bathroom. Does a bear shit in the woods? I won't ever know because I won't be in the woods looking for a place private enough: I have my own bathroom that I'll bring with me, thankyouverymuch.

3. My babysitters. Despite not being totally up front with me before getting all threateny, they take excellent care of my kids so that I never worry, and they are genuinely nice people. They are also very accommodating to my schedule and in general are not a problem in our lives. This is the first incident in 4 years, so while I flung them at first, I'm also going to provide a pillow for their safe landing.

4. Pampered Chef. I love their stuff.

5. Our friendly neighborhood WOBL (Raquita) who talked me down from the tower last week.

Sam's Cola? How disappointing. If you want cheap carbonated crap, at least go local and drink Vess.

Ikea is also crap. I believe the name is swedish for "Communist".

I LOVE IKEA. gah, I wish we had one! What do we have to do?!

1. Drunk drivers. all of them.
2. (Dana's number 3) TAX Raisers. Anyone who wants to morgage MY KIDS future to take care of irresponsible adults now.
3. Debt
4. Co-workers that do jack, act a fool, yet stay employed.

To Keep
1. The sun. How I've missed you.
2. My husband
3. Blueberry Ski (cravin some)
4. My bed. so comfy cozy.

I had a dream they tore down Crestwood Mall and put the Ikea there. It was sad to wake up!

Flinging, with great ceremony:

1. Stomach viruses. Dear Lord n' butter, when you have three kids it takes about five times longer to get through any illness.

2. Breast cancer, for my mother-in-law's sake.

3. All the clutter in my mother-in-law's house that is keeping them from moving out of that house which should by law be condemned.

4. My rotten attitude about life in general.

5. The most recent episodes of Battlestar Galactica. Ron D. Moore, you may be a crazy-ass genius, but i hate your rotten guts for bringing back a certain despicable character and making her important.

Not to fling:

1. Coffee.

2. Dark chocolate.

3. The Dark Knight.

4. House, M.D.

i totally agree with the IKEA reference! I've driven to chicago, bought an entire dining room set, RENTED AN ADDITIONAL CAR, and driven it back to st. louis b/c it was cheaper than paying for S&H. Lurve me some IKEA. We should do what my sister and her boyfriend did in Lincoln Park to attract a potential Trader Joe's. They had a professional sign made stating "Trader's Joe's Coming Soon!" and displayed it at a shopping plaza they thought would be a perfect location! Crestwood Mall sounds good to me! : )

To fling:
1. People who think it's appropriate behavior to rub my belly or tell me my face is filling out or ask me if I'm gaining weight. AM PREGNANT, DO NOT WANT TO BE TOUCHED.
2. Parallel parking.

To not fling:
1. I'm with you on the Trader Joe's brownies. Mmm.
2. Lint rollers. My cat laid on my straight-from-the-dryer clean clothes this morning. Lint rollers rule.

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