I have two sons so naturally I'm a little sensitive concerning things that seem designed to purposefully harm their self esteem. Wherein "sensitive" means my reaction might earn me 15 minutes on "Cops." It's all about the klass!
Momversation kicks the week off with an episode entitled "Do Boys Get a Bad Rap?" I wrote about this "war against boys" topic a while ago referencing both a Newsweek article and the experience of seeing a "boys suck" t-shirt with my son while at the mall. (Can you seriously imagine seeing a "girls suck" shirt? No? That's what I said.) I mention in the video that there seems to be a prevalence of "man hate" in our society - one example is found in television where the majority of the sitcom dads/male figures, et al. are made to look like total buffoons. Rebecca notes how early on this stigma is taught and is right: it's about empowering our boys. It's difficult to push against the widespread current of this message and teach your boys that you still expect them to behave as gentlemen even though much of society refuses to treat them as such. Mindy also chimes in for this episode.
Momversation kicks the week off with an episode entitled "Do Boys Get a Bad Rap?" I wrote about this "war against boys" topic a while ago referencing both a Newsweek article and the experience of seeing a "boys suck" t-shirt with my son while at the mall. (Can you seriously imagine seeing a "girls suck" shirt? No? That's what I said.) I mention in the video that there seems to be a prevalence of "man hate" in our society - one example is found in television where the majority of the sitcom dads/male figures, et al. are made to look like total buffoons. Rebecca notes how early on this stigma is taught and is right: it's about empowering our boys. It's difficult to push against the widespread current of this message and teach your boys that you still expect them to behave as gentlemen even though much of society refuses to treat them as such. Mindy also chimes in for this episode.
You said it! I have a four year old son myself and get tired of even my own mother saying things like, "well, he's all boy, isn't he?" in a disparaging tone. Yeah, he's a little loud and a little rambunctious and not all about sitting still and coloring, and he IS all boy. But the tone of that statement makes it seem like a bad thing, not a perfectly normal thing.
Raising a boy is a complicated venture. The nature vs. nurture challenges are very real to me as I try to nurture the best natural male qualities, and temper some of the others. I think the tendency to feminize our boys, or medicate the "boyness" away, is a real tragedy. We can teach our boys to be good, responsible people without turning them into girls.
Boys are challenging in so many ways. But that is normal, not negative. The thought of artwork or t-shirts like that is sickening to me. Who are these people that feel in order to empower one group, another must be stomped on? I am also blessed to have a little girl, and while I intend to teach her not to take any crap from a man, I am certainly not going to teach her that they are the enemy.
Excellent topic, good food for thought. Now I must attend to the aforementioned boy who is thinking of jumping off the chair with scissors in his hand...
I only have one daughter, but I have many nephews. And yes, they're ALL BOY! And I mean that in a good way :) Boys and girls have naturally different ways to doing things, especially when they're young. Neither way is right or wrong and it irritates the )(*@#$ out of me when people expect one to act like the other.
On the other hand, one nephew does like arts and crafts type stuff, not so much on the athletics. People have commented, is he perhaps gay? PLEASE. You don't want him to act "all boy", but he can't enjoy arts either?
Bottom line, children are individuals. Some girls are "tomboys", some girls are "girly". Some boys are "all boy" and some are more quiet.
Do the active ones all need to be put on meds? NOT. When I was a kid, it was known as a good old-fashioned case of "ants in the pants". And normal.
So, let boys be boys and let girls be girls. Judge them as individuals. Because that's what they are!
Dude. Totally.
I will watch the video when I get home from work - but I agree with what you have written. I have 2 boys, so this is a topic that I am VERY interested in. Love your blog (I'm a new reader!).
Another element where this is an issue is school...I am a high school teacher and we heard an awful lot in college (I graduated just over ten years ago - and teachers coming out of college are still hearing this) about how girls were being discriminated against in the classroom and teachers are responsible for "evening things up." The reality in the classroom, though, is totally the opposite in many cases in my opinion...teachers are so careful about getting girls involved and finding success that it is the boys who are falling through the cracks. Boys are quickly labeled as ADD and "troubled" and "distracted", and test scores (TOTALLY not the best indicator of success, but you know...) and grade point averages and top-ten lists show that it is girls who are leaving boys in the dust academically...but nobody seems overly concerned.
Good topic to get people thinking and paying attention to the possibility that we've overcorrected a bit in an attempt to even things up between boys and girls!
The "Boys Suck, Throw Rocks at Them" shirt is made by David & Goliath. As a company, they're responsible for a lot of really questionable shirts. A quick survey of their site reveals the following shirts available for Junior sizes, so teen girls: Better Buy Me Another Drink (You're Still Ugly); I Faked It; Herpes, Schmerpes; and It's Easy Being Easy. Yeah, that's exactly what I would want my teen daughter to be wearing.
Their Guys shirts include Bulimics Are Hot, I'm Living Proof My Mom Is Easy, Come Back When You're Hot, and two super-classy shirts invoking Asian stereotypes (one says "I Speak Engrish").
There was a dust-up awhile ago when some of the girls at Feministing.com emailed to complain about a shirt reading "No Means No- Well Maybe If I'm Drunk." [see it here: http://is.gd/lvMj ] The company replaced the shirt with a "Miss Bitch" shirt, including a special 10% off code for "our friends at Feministing. GIRL POWER!" [see it here: http://is.gd/lvMK ]
In short, David & Goliath sucks. I would've been upset about the "Boys Suck" shirt too, but I would not have been surprised. They are all about being offensive.
I have 2 younger brothers so I feel like I understand a portion of the male psyche. Now that I have 2 girls(and don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade them for anything) I totally get my teaching mentors when they said that boys were a lot easier to deal with! Boys may be boys but the girl drama drives me to my "Mommy-Night-Night-Juice"!
The "boys suck" tee shirts and sitcoms where the Dads are portrayed as grown buffoons are perfect examples of how our society has tried to empower women by putting down men. It's this immature trend of having to put someone/something else down in order to feel better about ourselves and can be seen all over our society.
My son attends a Parkway (public) elementary school that is piloting same-gender classrooms. Their class was featured on the Today Show this morning. The idea is to exploit the inherent differences between girls and boys in a positive manner to target the way they learn. Of course, Matt Lauer had to interview a woman from NOW who was strongly opposed to gender-specific classrooms even though SHE HERSELF went to an all-girls private high school! At any public school offering this type of program, participation is a choice parents make. The school cannot force your child to attend a same-sex class. So who is she to deny the choice my husband and I made to send our son to an all-boy class? We think he is thriving in this environment. Let's not delude ourselves into thinking there are no differences between the genders...let's make the most of it.
I'm probably not qualified to comment on this post because:
1) It would be so awesome if you were on COPS! You no, as long as no harm came to you, of course.
2) While I rebel against the stereotype, I think the sad truth may well be that I AM that buffoon dad. Crud.
It's not just bad for young kids' self esteems -- it's bad for adults, it's bad for marriage, it's bad for SO MANY THINGS.
The sitcoms make me crazy. Am so sick of seeing men being held up as idiots who can't function without their wives. To your point, that would NEVER fly if it were women being portrayed in the same way. Ever. And though I am the soon-to-be mom of a little girl, I am a wife to a fantastic guy, a daughter of two great dads, and a sister to five (yes, FIVE) wonderful brothers who deserve a hell of a lot more than that.
Further, I think that by perpetuating the idea that men aren't worthy of respect, that women are set up for false expectations later in life. Men are given no breaks, and the institution of marriage is held to an impossible ideal where the man MUST be perfect or the wife has the right to shit all over him and/or leave. I say this because, to some degree, that was my expectation, thanks to the vague trappings of society and a lot of people who were all, "Girl, you don't let him walk all over you! Empower yourself!"
It can be taken to the extreme so that we expect nothing but pure compliance from our mates, because after all, boys suck and we are women, hear us roar! BOW TO US. Oh, and treat us like the princesses we are, for we need nothing from you, and we certainly don't have to RESPECT you, because your status in life already affords you enough, thanks.
My husband doesn't walk all over me. But you know what? He doesn't agree with me all the time either. I don't lead the house myself -- we do it equally. He's not lost without me, and I'm not lost without him when it comes to matters of our life. We contribute to the home, to our lives together, to everything in equal measure, albeit differently, and we have a strong mutual respect for one another. And sometimes yes, he shits all over me. But sometimes I shit all over him too. We learn, we apologize and we get on with it. And most importantly, we build a partnership of equality.
And it's that example that I am proud to show my daughter -- that men and women are equals, both deserving of equal respect, and that it can be achieved without tearing each other down.
As a wife to an awesome, smart, loving husband and mother to 1 girl and 2 boys (all three smart, cute, humorous, and caring) I want to say THANK YOU!
Dana, a good book is Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis. Also, Raising Sons and Loving It by Oliver & Oliver. Both are Christian based books and are great reads.
I agree it's an issue and it begins with the parents. Period.
Loved the topic! I have two sons myself and totally appreciate the feelings and desire for them to be confident and respected individuals!
I also have a daughter and am terrified of the types of clothing out there for her - loved the prosti-tot line!