My bowling: a crime against the sport

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California Do-Nut
Unrelated photo of a closed donut shop.

Tonight my friends (and Chris, who is on the board) are hosting the St. Louis Epilepsy Foundation's Bowl-a-Rama, a charity event in conjunction with a horde of St. Louis Rams players. You actually get to be teammates with a Rams player, which is pretty cool, yet intimidating because football players are the size of Redwoods.

I am one of the worst bowlers known to mankind. What I do to a bowling is a crime against the sport. I'm not going to shock you with my average, just know that it is the lower two-digits. It's so bad that last year, one of the Rams players laughed at me and asked me what on earth was wrong with my arm. I keep my arm straight, but maybe my forearm is curved, heck, I don't know, because whenever I throw the ball it juts wickedly to the left and makes for the gutter. Every. Single. Time.

Also, I entertained the idea that maybe the Rams players wouldn't be all that great at bowling, either. I mean, they're professional athletes, but maybe they spend all their time on football, or maybe God looked down and was all "OK, YES, I gave these guys an inordinate amount of talent to play football, sigh, fine, they can suck at other sports." Oh no. They practically bowled perfect games and I think one of them wasn't even looking at the lane, I think he was talking to someone and just threw the ball behind him. SO NOT FAIR.

So in advance, I would like to apologize to bowling, the entire sport of it. If you attend tonight (info here, my radio show has its own lane, FTW!) please ignore the curly-headed brunette lying in the gutter because she couldn't get her hand out of the ball in time when she threw it.

7 Comments

I suggest an emergency practice session on Wii Sports!

Tip: though it seems counter-intuitive, you can actually get a better score if you set down your beer, first.

In Wii Bowling, I am a true force. In real life, I need a lane with bumpers or else I wouldn't even score.

comment on unrelated photo that used to be the BEST donut place in town. I remember all the Saturday mornings we'd walk up up there back when chocolate milk was something really special and out of the ordinary.

Noooooo! California Do-Nuts is closed? We would always walk from my grandma's house in Benton Park and get donuts on Sunday morning... Yet another piece of my South St. Louis childhood, gone for good.

If you are bowling and the ball keeps going left then you need to line up further to the left. The cure for someone who keeps throwing into the left gutter is to line up as close to the gutter as possible. This will correct your aim, try it.

Dana,

Thank you for supporting the Foundation. I have been a long time reader of your blog and other adventures.

My 16 month old son has epilepsy. He started having seizures last year at 5mths of age. We spent almost 3 weeks in Children's hospital. We are currently at Children's because Kade is in the ICU.

Epilepsy is a horribly unfair disease. People freak when you tell them you kids has seizures. There are still a lot of stigma's that people have.

Feel free to go back and read my blog from last July if you want details as to what hell we went through.

Josh

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