Dana: September 2009 Archives

And I have a towel on my head! Fun!

On Wednesday the video will be posted in full and you can see every step. 

Yeay to uploading a video for thousands of people to see and shaking my head upside down like Tawney Kitaen! 

Products I use:

You can see the full steps I use to style my hair tomorrow. 

Today is my birthday, I launch my daily radio show today (not just Sunday nights anymore) and I woke up with strep. STREP. Luckily (or maybe unluckily) I get it so often that I'm undeterred anymore when I get it. (Plus, it's a beautiful St. Louis afternoon, so it's sort of hard to pout about being sick on my birthday with that.)

I have the BEST story for you involving a purse. I'll share that later. 

Right now I'm going to spend time with my boys and rest up for my show, which debuts in its new daily time slot at 7pm central tonight. My first guest is Andrew Breitbart. 

Is your kid a video game addict?

I adore Penn and Teller's TOTALLY NSFW episode that they did on their show, "BS," about this exact subject. They put a semi-automatic in the hands of a 9-year-old gamer to test the theory that kids who play first-person shooter games will become homicidal maniacs and you know what happened? The kid cried. Any dillweed who asserts shooting games will turn kids into gun-crazed murderers has never EVER shot a firearm and needs to seriously stop before I lost all patience and slap them. See - THAT'S what makes people violent: stupidity. But the focus isn't on such games and I'm totally digressing. 

For the record, I won't allow my kids to play games like Grand Theft Auto because I don't like to glorify stealing cars. I also don't get the "fun" in that, either. Really? AUTO THEFT? I get shooting games where kids role play with soldiers and you're protecting America and innocent people, blahblahblahblah but I've already told Liam that if he brings any pimpin' and ho'ing or auto theft game into my home I will record myself destroying it on camera and then share it with the Internet. If there isn't a redeemable quality about the game then I'm not having it. 

Please to enjoy this episode and relatedly, I like to think that Rob put in the metal music bed just for me. 

What do you think of kids and video games? I'm going to briefly open comments (until the evening) to get your thoughts. No butthats, please and thanks. 

Programming note

I'm cutting back some of my outside work, including leaving my weekly gig at Mamapop, which I hate to leave because I love that crew dearly, I love her, and I really think it's the best entertainment site on the web; but I need to focus more here and on a couple other projects at this time. Sob.

Plus, there's a mission trip coming up and my radio show has now gone daily so yes, any scientific advancements on growing an extra pair of hands please to be sendin' those to me. 

It wasn't such a bad summer


So we got this activity set of science stuff, things like growing rocks! Of all colors! And sand sculpting! We got it at The Costco, as my step-dad sometimes says, because it's just not proper unless it's The Something. We're going to Costco now instead of Sam's because I'm no longer a fan of The Walmarts for various reasons that are not fun to talk about at cocktail parties. 

Inside this activity kit is a package of triops' eggs. If you don't know what a triops is let me break it down for you: they look like the baby alien crabs that fly at your face and suck your brains out in "Alien." But the box said SEA MONSTERS and Ewan's head almost exploded because what boy doesn't want to own his very own sea monster? 

So basically these gross things grow to 6 centimeters in length and eat corn, peas, carrots, and tropical fish food. The look like little aquatic Roombas and the Internet says that they lay 10-30 eggs PER DAY. The triops is the Octomom of the aquatic world. I'm considering not putting sand in the aquarium as a form of birth control as they burrow and lay their eggs in the sand.

So we're going to put them in this little plastic aquarium and it will be Liam and Ewan's responsibility to care for them which means that there is an excellent possibility that the triops will all die in a week or so. Also, we may be overrun with "Alien" babies which, just, gross. I'm really not looking forward to have what is essentially a box of nasty triops water (they normally live in puddles and don't require pristine water the Internet said) full of baby-having triops that all look like props from a sci-fi horror flick sitting in my house. 

If only Chris would agree with me on getting an actual real pet with fur that purrs or barks and isn't disgusting, then we wouldn't have to resort to sea monsters. 

This is the best video I've found on them:

On the way back from Quincy

Taken at a gas station somewhere as I waited for Chris to get me a Starbuck's Double Shot because HOWDY, mama was tired. He also brought me beef jerky because it's not a roadtrip unless someone has some jerky. 

I spoke over the weekend and will appear on Greta Van Susteren again tonight to talk about what went down Quincy, Illinois and Washington D.C. on Saturday. 

Relatedly, my kids are all riled up from spending the weekend with Nana and Paw-paw and required a lot of coaxing to sit for our reading hour; I think they came home with even MORE Pokemon cards; I have a mountain of laundry to do, and I'm too lazy to make myself coffee. 

* My latest for Momversation: Is your child afraid to go to the dentist? The WHRRRRR sound of the polisher reminds me of a chainsaw and I get "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" visions in my head whenever I hear it. Ewan has this fear times eleventy

* I'm going to be leaving the country for a short bit on a documentary-slash-mission trip to help children. More on that soon. 

* A nice but maybe not-quite-deft woman asked Liam the other day if he wanted to go to "a real school." He replied, "My school isn't pretend." (I mentally high-fived myself after that.)

* Ewan learned that super glue doesn't fix old stickers. Totally not the end result he wanted. 

* My mom's birthday is tomorrow. Happy birthday, Nana. 

Not the best way to lose weight

A week ago today I had a massive headache; by the evening I was slightly nauseous and the kids! With their noise! JEEBUS. They actually felt bad for me and Ewan is going through this very literal stage in which he thinks that I mean exactly every word I say. I remarked that "my head is splitting open" and his eyes got really wide and as I lumbered up the stairs and folded some clothes he brought me tape. It was adorable. 

By the time the kids went to bed the pain was too much and it had also spread; my entire body ached. I took a bath and while crossing the bedroom  ... POOF! A few seconds of time completely gone and my perspective was off: things were much farther above me that they ought to be, including Chris's very concerned blinking face asking what had happened. I was sitting on the floor in my towel. I had apparently passed out, and I am not a fainter. 

By the time I climbed into bed the chills were such that it was painful. I've only been this sick three times in my life: once after a food poisoning episode, once after I had a bit too much to drink the night before Thanksgiving, and this. It was different though, because I didn't feel particularly pukey. Just the fever, wow. 102 and climbing. Chris consulted some medical advice and before I knew it, he was forcing me into an ice bath. My fever had gotten so high that my body warmed the water and melted a big batch of ice cubes instantly. I was determined to tough it out and bring my fever down without having to drag the kids to the emergency room at midnight, though, so I endured it as Chris dumped more and more ice in the tub and poured pitchers of ice cold water all over me. He's the bestest

After about an hour, it worked. My fever dropped to 100 degrees and my bones didn't feel so painful. I dressed and tried to get to sleep. The next morning my fever was gone but my body felt decimated. It was a feeling similar to walking into an MMA octagon and going five, five-minute rounds with Chuck Liddell. It took me two days to get any semblance of an appetite back and about a full week to feeling back on top of things. 

Chris is convinced that it was swine flu, which totally grosses me out and angers me all at once, because here I was DOING MY PART, eating as much bacon as the budget could afford in an effort to trim the swine population, the illness of which was causing so much trouble. 

There really is no other point to this except to say that I have been sick, I am better, and I hate pigs except in bacon and tenderloin form. 
Oh my heavens. Oh yes, it's THIS TOPIC. I feel like I'm cutting one of a million apron strings simply by engaging in the discussion.

Remember the clear, plastic phones with the neon-colored guts? And the ridiculously long phone cords that provided a trail to your parents when they wanted to aggravate you to get off the phone? I used to keep my parents' big white cordless phone under my bed so they could never ever use it. The thing was, the phone was always tethered to something, be it by a cord to a wall, the connection to the cordless' base, something always kept you in the house and around parental supervision with The Phones of Yore. 

Relatedly, Liam saw a phone with a cord on it once and was all "WHAT is that?"


Giyen and Mindy make me feel so much better in this episode. Don't even get me started on puberty. All I'll say is that someone in this house has started to really notice girls. And that girls have boobs. And that the combination of the two is pretty cool. The end. 


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Dana asks: "Thanksgiving Traditions: Yours or Your Mother's?"