Feedback: June 2006 Archives

Totally pretentious FAQ

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A lot of the e-mails! I get ask the same questions. Because there are only so many times one can type "hoosier" without the phrase losing all meaning, I've compiled a totally pretentious and way-more-important-than-I-really-am list of most-asked questions BECAUSE I AM THAT LAZY:

What on earth is a hoosier?
- A "hoosier" is another word for "redneck" in Missouri. I am not in any way slamming the good people of Indiana.

Your hair is great. What do you use on it?
- I use Redken Soft Curls shampoo and conditioner. I alternate between allowing it to dry naturally or blow drying it (during winter) with a diffuser. When I was younger I tried to straighten it but it always looked like a horse's mane. I am not in anyway slamming horses.

My family's last name is Scaggs/Loesch too. Could we be related?
- For your sake I hope not. I am not in anyway slamming my family. Except for my Aunt Paula. I am totally slamming her.

Can I send you things?
- As long as it isn't anything illegal, perverted, disgusting, annoying, or that could harm me or my family, sure.

Can I send you my product for you to write about it on your website?
- For free? I'm joking. If it's really cool, I'll think about it, though I can't promise anything. It never hurts to ask. I always disclose how I got anything. Though I would advise against sending me something unsolicited and then firing off a kapillion e-mails asking me when I'm going to write about it and am I going to write about it? WHY WON'T I WRITE ABOUT IT, IT'S A GREAT PRODUCT. Because that like, totally makes me not want to write about it.

I'm a SAHM and a writer/freelancer too. How did you get your column and break into writing and do you have any advice for me?
- I have a lengthy romance with journalism which was my major. I write. A lot. I also have a hefty assortment of clips; some awards; nominations for awards; and the editors, they love me. All I can say is keep writing.

I cannot believe you spank your children. That's abuse.
- That is not a question. Go eat a fart.

Why do you homeschool?
- Because. And please don't worry about their socialization. Here's a rundown of how and with what I roll.

Do you and your husband plan on having more children?
- Yes. Ideally I'd like four - three boys and one girl (he objects, but whatever). I could not handle more than one girl. I have enough PMS by myself.

I like your photos. What kind of camera do you use?
- I use a Kodak Easy Share camera. It's not a pro camera, but it does have a 35mm lens which I love. I color-correct all of my photos in Adobe Photoshop 7.0 and I like to slightly pump up the saturation.

Have you always been a writer/What did you do before writing?
- Pretty much. I've written since I could first hold a pencil and self-published my first book when I was eight. It was about dragons and written on notebook paper complete with a dedication and pretentious-for-that-age author's bio. However, my writing didn't take center stage until my junior year of high school. I studied ballet for a frillion years and had planned to join a company after school until I got burnt out. I went to college on literary and journalism scholarships.

Behave like a tool wherein you try to slam me for making money by writing. For doing what I can do to provide for my kids, to pay my bills, to help take care of my family.
Just ignorant.
Like you WOULDN'T if given the opportunity, please.
That's what it's all about.

It never stops amazing me that there are people in the world like this; trolls who think nothing of sending type-written bile to a living, breathing person. You would never treat someone with such animosity without the safety and anonymity of your keyboard, so step off.

There are also those who disagree with things I say and instead of making room for a contrasting opinion at the big effing table of humanity, I'm kicked in the face for it. For simply having a thought on whatever that doesn't jive with that of someone else.
And people ask me why I feel lonely.
Or at-odds with things sometimes.
Or defensive.

I really don't get much hatemail, but nevertheless it still hurts, despite the ridiculous, uber-tough exterior I try to present. I usually ignore, but today I couldn't.

I told myself that I wasn't going to say anything, but you know what? It's freeing. It's cathartic.
And I'll get over it.

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