Homeschooling: November 2008 Archives

Homeschoolers! They're just like us!

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One afternoon while shopping for a winter coat for Liam at Old Navy, a woman approached the boys and me. Normally, when a stranger approaches you, they say "Oh, your kid(s) are cute," or "You dropped something," or "Where did you get that whatever you got?" or they ask your for directions or time or at the very least, simply say hello.

This woman walked up to me with her nose in the air her eyes squinched, as though she followed our scent.

"Why aren't they in school?" she asked tersely. I steeled myself against what I anticipated would be her criticism and said a little prayer, something along the lines of "OHDEARGODSHUTMY MOUTH, KEEP IT CLOSED DON'T LET ME TALK" because if provoked, I will go all Julia Sugarbaker on someone.

I took a deep breath and asked "Who are you?"

The woman blinked and repeated her question: "WHY aren't they in school?"

"They are homeschooled," I said, overenunciating the last word and speaking loudly as though she were hard of hearing.

The woman rolled her eyes and sighed "Ohhh" before trouncing off.

I had visions of running up behind her and jerking her hair hard enough to cause her head to snap back and her jaws to clap and break her giant horseteeth. Which wouldn't be very nice and possibly illegal but I totally thought it and I'm not sorry. Instead, I turned to the boys and loudly said: "Boys, that woman was rude. When we approach people with a question, what do we say?"

"EXCUSE ME," they replied in unison.

As we made our way to the checkout, Liam raised one eyebrow and gave me a sly grin.

"You're funny, Mom," he said.

So remember that, Joy Behar, the next time you decide to expel a bunch of bigoted nonsense into perfectly good air (around 7:08):

Homeschoolers put their pants on one leg at a time - just like you do, Joy. Except, when our pants are on, we kick your bass in test scores, community service, and manners in general.

This is what homeschooling looks like.

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