The other day we were at The Sam's and after buying lettuce and a sack of limes (mama needs them with her drinks!) we wound up in the lightbulb/mattress aisle looking at foam mattress covers.
We need a new mattress. We have not gotten one for three very simple reasons:
1. Mattresses are very expensive and I am very cheap. I wish I could just steal the Sheraton's mattress and get it over with but that means I'd have to DRIVE to get it home, as opposed to flying or some other faster means of travel, and I'm too lazy to drive through boring flat land for six hours for a mattress. By the way, I am cheap, but am also not rich, which is a polite way of saying that in this economy after paying bills and feeding kids and saving a pittance every month I am broke.
2. Our bed is one California king (why not Texas?) bed made of two beautiful antique wood frames and headboards situated together to make a cool-looking sleigh bed. Chris would have to CUT IT CUT MY BEAUTIFUL BED to modify it to fit a regular king or Cali king mattress and I just can't allow it for reasons that are unclear to me.
3. I thought I had three reasons but really, only two. Sorry.
I have spent the better part of five years watching Chris construct ways to hodgepodge the two twin mattresses in our room into one. Sunday we got this weird, thick, and heavy memory foam and some pillowtop thing to go over it, having flattened the other crap we had over it, and it made the bed heavenly. Not Heavenly, just heavenly. The Westin has Heavenly.
I worked from my bed all day yesterday. The boys were sweetly understanding that mommy had to work full time ll last week and most of the week before that, before she went out of town, so they knew that I had to sew my laptop to my head. Yesterday was the first full day back that I've had to decompress and I literally spend the majority of my afternoon in my bed with the memory thing on top and the pillow thing on top and ohmygawd my back felt so much better sleeping on that. And also my backside. I don't have a backside, I have two hambones fashioned together to make a derriere. So I sat in bed and worked and the boys brought me books and we read and then I tried to cajole Ewan into taking a nap with me but he said no. I let him color my fingernails with a red crayon and that bought me about twenty minutes of solid nappage.
My other nap tricks (all activities can be done while sleeping) include: Make a Portrait of Mommy, Operate On Mommy's Back (back massage FTW!), Sleeping Beauty (or Rescue the Sleepy Princess, as Ewan calls it) and Playing Dead.
It was a glorious day.
I want to move my entire operation to this bed. It's big enough to accommodate the entire family. It's in one of my most favorite sunny rooms in the house with a view of the entire block.
The memory foam stuff feels totally alien to me. I spent the better part of 20 minutes repeatedly squishing it with my hands right when we put it on the bed. Later the boys climbed on top to make memory foam angels, impressions of which lasted only seconds. When I sleep on it I don't toss and turn and get massive bed head trying to get comfortable. I went to sleep in one position and literally woke up in that EXACT SAME POSITION. That never happens. It was sort of creepy. I can't tell you who makes the stuff, having deconstructed the box and stuffed it into the recycling bin already, but if you ever have the opportunity to get memory foam anything, DO IT.
AP photo 
