The Boys: May 2009 Archives

Big giant Penelope

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"MOOOOOOM," Liam hollered up the stairs yesterday to my treehouse lair, my office under the eaves wherein I plot extremist activities because I am an extremist. It makes me sound hard. Don't take that from me.

"WHAT!" I hollered back. "DON'T YELL!"

"THERE IS A PENELOPE DOWN HERE!"

"A WHAT?"

"A BIG GIANT PENELOPE!"

There is a big giant Penelope in our kitchen? Like, a giant girl? WTF?

"WHAT IS A PENELOPE?"

"YOU KNOW!"

"NO! ENLIGHTEN ME!"

"THE THING WITH A LOT OF LEGS!"

"OMG YOU MEAN A TRILOBITE!"

Which no, it is not a trilobite, rather a millipede/centipede/silverfish, but I call them trilobites much to Chris's annoyance because "millipedes" or "silverfish" or whatever those little minions of Satan are called look insanely prehistoric and defy their benign name. Somehow in Liam's mind "millipede" became "Penelope." By the way, the folks who got close enough to actually physically count the legs on those things? PROPS.

"KILL IT!" I hollered back.

"NO! YOU KILL IT!"

"YOU'RE THE BOY! THAT'S WHAT BOYS DO! WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WERE BORN?"

"YOU'RE THE MOM! YOU BAKE AND CUT MY SANDWICH AND KILL THE BUGS!"

"OUT OF EITHER OF YOUR PARENTS, IT IS YOUR FATHER WHO KILLS THE BUGS!"

"WELL WHATEVER JUST COME DOWN HERE AND KILL THIS PENELOPE!"

"YOU KILL IT! YOU'RE ALREADY DOWN THERE!"

'FINE! I'M USING YOUR SHOE!"

Well played. Didn't see that coming. I finally lumbered down two flights of stairs to see Mr. Smart Aleck standing there holding my Converse shoe over his head, a wicked look on his face.

"FINE. You win," I said.

"I knew I would."

When children attack

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Ewie

"ARHHHHHGH!"

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