Recently in Trebuchet toss Category

An Open Letter to AT&T

Do you ever find yourself dealing with a company so slimy and incompetent that you feel the need to wash your hands even after waiting on hold with them for 15 minutes? Because THAT'S HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW ABOUT THIS COMPANY.

Flash back in time, back in March, when we ended our service with AT&T Uverse to go with another company. AT&T didn't want to let go. We had our billing set up automatically and we never expected that a company like AT&T would LOOT OUR BANK ACCOUNT like a bunch of (screw it, I'm completely over offending people at this point so pick your poison:)

1) hillbillies at a Bass Pro Shop free-for-all*
2) spray-tanned skanks at a Victoria's Secret buy-one-get-one panty sale*
3) idiot poseur anarchists at a G8 protest

After a tantrum on Twitter, because waiting on their help line for days on end only to get disconnected wasn't helping, we finally got them to refund the hundreds and hundreds of dollars they stole took from our account. We had to cite fraud with our bank and change all of our information which was a hassle but hey - whatever it took to get the message across to AT&T that they have to stop taking money from former customer's bank accounts without permission because, I'm not sure in what reality AT&T resides, but in my reality, in the reality of most of the mammals here on planet Earth, that is called "stealing."

That was last month. The story should have stopped there and we could say the end, goodnight, but this is AT&T, the story NEVER STOPS. 

So Friday evening when checking the mail I noticed that those DELIGHTFUL LITTLE BUGGERS at AT&T sent us a bill. They couldn't loot our bank account so this time they sent us a bill of over $600 for new phantom services. 


I called them on Saturday. "The office is closed" said the little recorded man.
He said it again on Sunday too, even though people told me on Twitter that no, HAHAHA, they're open. They just don't want to talk about why they keep trying to loot money from you.

Finally, after a long day with the kids and work, I called them in the 4pm hour. They were open! I was on hold for 15 minutes when a woman finally answered. 

"I'm going to need a supervisor or manager because my problem is major," I said and she replied: "CLICK. DIAL TONE."



So I called back. 

"Our offices are now closed," said the little recorded voice man. 


"What's that? I'm sorry, I'm having difficulty understanding."

And then I hung up. 

I regret ever going with AT&T UVerse because AT&T has always been a nightmare with which to deal - and I've dealt with insurance companies, one who once told me that they couldn't cover the birth of my child because my child wasn't enrolled at the time of service. Yes. AT&T is worse to deal with than that. Take my experience as a warning and run like all hades is after you in the opposite direction.

Hopefully I'll have this settled, for the fourth time, tomorrow. 

[*: No, I do not think that only hillbillies/skanks shop at Bass Pro Shop/Victoria's Secret, unclench, laugh, exhale. Yes, I do think that all poseur anarchists are idiots, that's why there's no asterisk by it.]

Back by Popular Demand: the Trebuchet

I set these rules long ago: things that have worked their way into that space between skin and soul where they rub painfully, things which frustrate, things which hurt, things which make you want to scream all of that pain and annoyance into the sky to be blown away by the wind. All of that you put into the trebuchet. Then comes the healing. Then comes the point where you list all of the wonderful things you see in life, things which let in light. 

At some point I will open up comments for this. I'm working up to that point. :)

To fling:

- Dirty snow. It's just so gross-looking. Ewan asked if the snow was getting old because it was gray. 

- The people who cannot for the life of them say "excuse me" when wanting to pass you so they stand there like boobs and stare. I'm not a mind reader. Do you want by? Do you want to stand there and look at the crackers with me? I DON'T KNOW. TELL ME.

- Distractions. Miscommunications. Ill intentions. Not seeing the forest for the trees. The best can fall victim and when they do, the when and susceptibility, is what I want to fling. 

- Black licorice. The Black Plague never went away, it just turned into black licorice. 

- My dependance on coffee. It makes me feel like I have sludge in my veins when the effect finally dissipates. 

- Having to work as much as I do to eke out a living. (And I'm damn proud of having worked hard as hard as I can to help put a nice roof over the heads of my children, feed and clothe them, and I will never feel guilty about taking comfort in that small success.)

- Using emoticons to force feelings that I don't feel. No, I meant what I said; I am NOT going to put a WINKY EMOTICON there to diminish that. 

- Winter. The ground is cold, hard, and lifeless.

Not to fling:

- My boys. Ewan wakes me up most mornings by sticking his round little face mere inches from mine and whispering: "It's goooood morning time!" I used to not be a morning person but that alarm makes me love the world in the morning. Liam will be curled up under his blankets with a book, just as I was his age. 

- Chris. I think he feels bad that I have to work when he knows that if the political and economic climate were different, I might not have to, so he makes up for it by pitching in where he can. He made me rye bread the other day. I ate half the loaf with dill dip. 

- The way all the boys in my house sound exactly the same when they snore. 

- My friends, my mostly apolitical, wonderful friends who don't care what I think, for whom I voted, or anything else. They are at times an oasis, much like my non-apolitical friends are another sort of oasis. 

- All the people who have emailed. I stopped checking statistics here and have no idea how many people visit, but I know that I got about a hundred emails from people who said the most amazing, wonderful, supportive things after my last post. I honestly didn't know whether or not you were still out there and you were and well, here I am now also. Knowing that such people were still there, people who accept you as a whole and separate the parts out on their own gave me encouragement. I did still write privately.  

- Prayer. Knowing that I can give my yoke to someone greater than I who can bear it. Whenever joy eludes me I pray. 

Your turn. If you fling anything email me at mamalogues at yahoo dot com and I will link it here.

Also flinging:

- Colleen has loaded hers up
- The lovely LeAnn, over at One with Books, loaded hers up as well

To toss this month:

- People who do nothing, contribute nothing, offer nothing, yet have the audacity to complain about progress and/or results.

- People who tell me what I can and cannot write about on my own personal website.

- Having to work as much as I do just to keep my head above water because of what is happening to this economy.

- People who only act like family on holidays or whenever presents are involved.

- The obsession with Michael Jackson. Sure, he was a great songwriter and performer but he also molested young boys so as the mother of sons forgive me if I'm not blaring "Thriller" or crying over the memorial video marathon on the cable stations. I'm mourning for the innocence of those kids.

- Sam's not having lemons yesterday.

- The guilty feeling I got upon finding Liam's Nintendo DS, apparently put away atop a bookshelf weeks ago as punishment, after scolding him for losing it.

- High-maintenance people.

- Not having the money or the time to take a vacation. 

- Silence when there's too much to think about.

- The work that goes into making your kids' childhood idyllic.

- Those who sell synthetic faith.

Things I would not toss:

- The faith my kids have in me.

- The faith I have in myself, when I have it.

- The support of family, friends, and people who read and/or listen.

- When the heat recedes a bit, dips into the 80s, and is joined by a good breeze.

- My hammock.

- Convincing my kids to nap with me in said hammock.

- Watching Ewan get upset because the earthworms he caught are always trying to run away from him, he says.

- Zia's on the Hill who recently treated me to a fantastic chicken spedini meal. I went by myself after a radio appearance for Party at Berra Park at the owners' invitation. I sat by myself in the corner of the room, stuffed my face, and caught up on my email.(Thanks Mike and Kory!)

- My Palm Pre.

- The release I feel after a good venting.

What's aggravating you or lifting you up today?

Trebuchet 2009

| | Comments (31)
It's been far too long since I've left you without an acceptable form to medievally fling that which has been killing your soul. What's that you say? "medievally" isn't exactly a word?


1. Anyone who doubts the sovereignty of this website and the right under which I have to completely make up words at my lezzure.

2. This made-in-China POS Dell computer which taunts the will to live and my very soul from this fleshy shell. I want to disassemble and waterboard every last bitty bit of it. And then put a bag over its head and pose whilst giving the goat behind it. Somehow, that doesn't seem harsh enough.

3. Anyone who wants to raise my taxes in a recession.

4. The people who think that because I do the majority of work from my home and that I homeschool my children that I must have the time to do any number of things for them. I wake, work, breakfast, kids, lessons, email, lunch, lessons, email, kids, dinner, house, bedtime, work, work, work, email every single day - and on the days I'm at the station, driving the kids to outside lessons/playgroups/the store, etc. that schedule lengthens so get off my crank about it, would you please? I'm tired of dealing with the resentful attitudes of those who haven't a clue or the courtesy to ask about what I do in my day.

5. Anyone who allows politics to get in the way of friendship. It's ironic because politics are supposed to be public service, which is to serve others, to put others before self. If people are too narrow-minded to to connect with people on a deeper level beyond that of political affiliation, it says more about their lack of diversity in thought and unspoken perpetuation of bigoted societal stereotypes than it does about the person with whom they disagree. And I just don't have the patience or the heart for that.

6. St. Louis drivers. Was something recently released in the water? I have driven and been driven in various other cities and countries and I've noticed that there is an abnormal concentration of people who cannot drive or understand traffic laws here. Like the dude who threw his car in reverse and expected me and the FIVE OTHER PEOPLE BEHIND ME to back up so he could parallel park? And caused us to miss two green lights because he stubbornly refused to move forward? And I tried to mime to him from behind my steering wheel FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO PARK OR SO HELP ME I WILL BEAT YOU WITH MY WINDSHIELD SCRAPER. Or the lady who, as I made a left turn at a traffic light when given the green arrow, tried to ram her car into mine and then proceeded to honk at me for a solid minute and acted like the was going to hit me until I put my car into park in the middle of a parking lot, exited my vehicle right there in public, and lost my mind on her. Because I am the smartest person on planet Earth. My genius, LET ME SHOW YOU IT. All of that brassiness left her when she realized that my crazy beat her crazy. Gawd I am ashamed.

So for all the people who snottily s..t..r..o..l..l across the crosswalk when they see cars coming, for the people whom God has given the ability to drive yet withheld their common sense, the people who drive like they are the only people on the road ... I FLING ALL OF YOU.

7. The fact that Sam's does not carry Sam's Choice cola. Are they serious? WTH? "It's only at Wal-Mart," said the lady who eyed me as I ate my second egg roll sample. I have to drive 25 minutes to get to the nearest Wal-Mart which negates the idea of us moving to a pedestrian-friendly area. When I go to a super store and get my super-sized drink I expect to be able to purchase the cheap cola along with my five-pound bag of shredded cheese, thankyouverymuch because this is America.

8. The lack of an Ikea in St. Louis. I am going to break rank and pledge my mayoral vote to whomever can bring in an Ikea (among other things, but mostly the Ikea because I'm going to be shallow and sulky). Mayor Slay, I'm looking at you. I cannot pronounce a single stupid thing that store sells but I love it all. The Zxveqqwrtchienbok? I WANT THAT. I can see my little family, all of us sitting around the Drudethcngkfyrjjin enjoying a meal off of our Mhjjiuqqqqwqerespchleins while the entire room is warmly lit by a Schnudefrhakehhienjhn. Idyllic, isn't it? I mean, YES, the majority of it looks like white plastic furnishings found in a wholesale catalog that specializes in chemical cleaners and workboots but by gawd if the Swedes are selling it it must be FANCY. Plus those names? Way better than Standard White Dinner Plate or White Plastic Parsons Table. I want to fill my home with Mhjjiuqqqqwqerespchleins.

Things I do not want to fling:

1. The delicious goodness that are Sloppy Joes. I made a can for Liam and Ewan one evening and Liam was all "This is like spaghetti ... on two slices of bread!" I totally felt like Cousin Eddie for a moment.

2. Animal Crossing on Wii. Liam loves this game and it's so weird to me when he says things like "Yeah, I had to stop by Nook's today to sell some fish and then I went and paid my mortgage." I feel completely safe with him playing it and I don't have to worry about a computer-controlled rabbit showing him her cotton tail. Our of curiosity I created a character and got a little house; much to my relief it wasn't like that Second Life business that I hear about where all the women dress like hookers and even bald men can have long hair.

3. The little brownies from Trader Joe's. I stopped caring about abdominal six packs after I read some article where it says that women, if they cut too much weight beginning in their late twenties, will lose the fat that plumps out their skin, thus giving them fine lines and possible wrinkles, making them appear older than necessary. So I am totally using that as a crutch as to why I am going to eat Trader Joe's brownies at 9pm while watching a Tivo'd episode of "Tool Academy."

4. Rock of Love VD Bus. DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. I spend the majority of my day doing selfless Mom Things and being responsible and working and this is my vice. Chris has to physically restrain me from making a mad dash to the kitchen to grab the Clorox wipes for which I'd wipe down the television after but ohmyholyMoses: no matter how bad a day I've had, it will never match that of an adult film actress who stole a bunch of girls' nasty, sweaty hockey socks.

5. My new French Press. Our older, cheap one busted one day and I licked the shavings out of the coffee grinder until we bought more beans and this fabulous little press at World Market. I asked the internet about it on Twitter and this is the one the internet told me to get. Baaaa.

6. World Market. It's like an international bazaar without the bugs, beggars, odd smells, and sweaty tourists. If most of the products at that bazaar had a "MADE IN CHINA" sticker affixed to them. I really like their rugs.

7. Texas Roadhouse steakhouse. There are four things in life that make me feel distinctly American:
a) Making fun of French people
b) Lighting a bottle rocket out of a can of Stag
c) Shopping at Sam's
d) Eating at Texas Roadhouse

I like red meat, particularly meat that's cooked medium rare. I refuse to eat cooked fish (why when there's sashimi grade?) and I'm getting to the point where I almost think it's insulting to cook perfectly marbled, bright-red steaks. Anyway, I love this restaurant because they play Dolly Parton and you can get a gigantic steak and a loaded sweet potato. The only thing that weirds me out is that each table gets a bucket of peanuts and patrons are welcome to toss cracked shells to the floor. My kids were completely aghast the first time they saw it.

8. Free speech. I refrain from getting too political here because this is sort of my escape from that, but regardless on which side of the political spectrum you fall, the government should stay out of legislating speech for anyone, any party, period. I wrote about such here

9. The dog-squirrel in my backyard that I have been battling for over a year now. I sat a bag on my deck to take to the dumpster and went back in the house to empty the kitchen trash in in those three minutes, lo, the dog-squirrel was up on my deck trying to pick its way through the plastic bag. I rushed out the door and yelled at it - while I had my wet hair in a towel wearing a pair of pink pajama bottoms with monkey faces all over them, mind you . When I turned to go back inside my neighbor, who was outside, gave me the blank-eyed, slack-jawed automatic wave one gives when terrified.

10) Ewan's progress on his K5 material. Whereas Liam is not competitive Ewan completely makes up for it and is flying through his workbooks. He writes well, despite the fact that he likes to write an M2 after his name on all of his papers which means it looks like this: EwanM2.

What would you like to fling? Just remember to temper it with something good!

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