Recently in Trebuchet toss Category

Normally I'd do a post about all the things I'd like to load up in my imaginary trebuchet and fling over the roof of my house but after some stress last week I've been in a strangely good mood. It's like when you're very sick and you visit the porcelain god and afterwards you feel as though you can really breathe again. So instead of flinging things I'd like to just make a list of some things which have made me really happy this past week:

-         I finished my first pair of fetchings the other night. They are black cotton, very plain and would probably look underwhelming compared to the fruits of some talented knitters, but they're mine and I love them.

-         Halloween. My mom always goes over the top decorating for the holidays and her insanity has passed to me. Today as part of their art lesson, the boys and I are making ghosts which we will turn into a mobile and hang from the ceiling in their playroom ...

-         Speaking of which, I am so glad it's all the way on the 3^rd floor so I don't have to worry about this mess when guests come over. 99% of what you see here is from their grandparents. In a slight exaggeration, Chris and I had sticks to play with in comparison.

-         Our friend's coffee. We're not Catholic, but we love coffee named after saints.

-         This apple cake recipe, from my good friend. Ooh, and this from my lovely friend Alanna. A slaw recipe with apples and BACON. It just reinforces my idea that bacon goes with everything and is the panacea for all the world's problems. It's really hard to be in a bad mood when you're making one of these things and can smell it from the kitchen.

-         This guy. He's reading fifth grade books and loves scary stories. I am in awe at how many doors literacy opens; he breezes through most of his lessons and requires little instruction because he can read it all. Ewan is coming up fast behind him; we've started with short vowel sounds and he's reading simple words. I've been using Liam's leftover preschool and K4 material for him but I'm running out. (I'm also still slowly but surely working on a massive compendium of all things St. Louis, and not, homeschooling-related. If you've emailed me with a question and I haven't answered please shoot me another email! Sometimes thing get buried and I'm horrible at organizing my inbox.)

 What about you?

Alternately titled: Trebuchet toss for July '08. According to my records the last time I flung anything was back in April. It seems to go against my slight curmudgeonly nature to go for two months without a complaint. My day began with Ewan kicking Liam in the face while I was in the shower; Liam's nose gushed blood all over the playroom and their bathroom as he freaked out about it and turned our house into a Rob Zombie movie. Also, I'm writing this at 10:30 in the morning and I have not had any coffee or had a chance to brew any tea. Positive is nice, but sometimes you wake up with your mood shaped like the most offensive of fingers.

To fling:

- Bras. I am between sizes which is testing my sanity. The straps are sawing my shoulders off, I don't want spillage or looseness, I want a goofy freaking bra to goofy freaking work. I shouldn't have to pay a frillion dollars for it or drive a frillion miles to get one. 

- Calliou. I don't advocate violence, but I want to slap that brat. Every time he whines a part of my soul dies so I banned his show from my house.

- People who don't understand that a self-employed family who homeschools doesn't have the time to get around as easy as someone who doesn't work or someone who works one job and their biggest stress is what to make for dinner. I don't have a nanny. I don't even have a babysitter. I don't have a house cleaner. I don't have patience for people who make demands upon my time without taking into account all that I am responsible for.

- The chick who saw me and my best girl Kat using our phones at the bar and was all "Who comes to a bar to text?" ME. Hi! I do! Especially when I'm trying to direct out-of-town guests to meet us.

- The people who disagreed with Tracey for her public comment - disagreement is fine - but went on to say things about her that were fifty frillion times worse than what was originally said. Double standards rock! All this while they shouted "for the sake of community!" Irony defined. Why can't we all think differently and still get along? Why are we so afraid of unabashed opinion? If that's the case, why are you on the internet?

- The Jezebel girls. They gave an interview wherein they showed up blitzed, spoke like valley girls, and entertained the crowd with what they apparently thought were envious tales of one night stands (their interview was basically like spending an evening at a dive karaoke bar in South County). They advocated irresponsibility. But seriously - did you expect anything more cerebral from the duo - one half of which writes a column called "Slut Machine?"

- The belief that somehow the internet hampers the scope of intellectual property law. It does not. Kudos to those who look further, who aren't tempted by the false title of Google Expert, people who take the time to actually learn IP. Kudos also goes to those who respect IP rights.

- The airline industry. My awards ceremony is on the 17^th, meaning it looks like I'm going to miss the pre-conference cocktails, and I'm having extreme difficulty finding an evening flight out to San Francisco for Blogher.

Not to fling:

- Guy Kawasaki, for creating the forthcoming homeschooling category on Alltop. I'm über stoked as it will be a valuable resource for homeschoolers. That being said, if you homeschool, feel free to leave links to your favorite websites in the comments and I'll forward them to Guy.

- Tazo green tea with mint. Hands down the best green tea on the market, do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars.

- Heather B. for being my hot date at a corporate party at Blogher that Friday night. She wooed me and even promised to wear cute new shoes.

- Ewan, for constantly wearing his Thomas the Train engineer hat to play, to sleep, and in the bath. He has this thing for hats (he is most fond of fedoras) and I'm convinced that he's going to grow up to live in the Keys, wear houndstooth-printed pants, and smoke cigars.

- The Bloggers' Guild. I am truly amazed at what we're accomplishing and am thrilled to be in the presence of such talented folk.

The rules stay the same: list the good with the bad!

- People who wildly honk their horn as a way to signal "I'M HERE GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GET IN THE CAR AND LET'S GO" instead of exiting the car and ringing the doorbell. Especially when it's dusky dawn. I want to go downstairs and stab that horn with my razor sharp hatred of stupid loud crap that people do in the morning.

- People who insist on making things a frillion times more complicated than need be.

- Trader Joe's grapes. TJ's, I really love you, I love you because you're like, the Whole Foods for people who would require a co-signor just to buy a tub of yogurt at the actual Whole Foods. But your grapes are either mushy or like rigor mortised toes. Please be more fresh.

- Liam's newfound sassy little attitude. If he rolls his eyes at me again and I'm going to mat and frame a photo of him using the potty chair and keep it on my living room wall until he starts dating, possibly longer.

- Joe Mitchell wannabes whose elitism is embarrassingly disproportionate to their skills and is apparent to everyone but them. They are the nail in the coffin of traditional media. Their unfortunate fame-whore aesthetic and overblown sense of self-importance blinds them from seeing their cheapening effects on the validity of the press and prevents them from progressing beyond hackneyed. To watch them practice journalism is akin to watching a four-year-old stumble around in her mother's high heels.

Things I would rather keep on the ground:

- People who keep it real, even if "keeping it real" is just loitering around a gas station asking for change so as to buy a forty.

- Banana bread with applesauce.

- Two of my girlfriends who came over when Chris was out of town and stayed past midnight to drink beer and talk.

- Ink. I'm contemplating on getting some more, this time a certain verse of Scripture above my elbow. As someone who can't draw to save her life, tattoos are a way of mooching someone else's incredible talent and keeping it with me. Some people think they look trashy which seems insulting to the art of it; I really don't care so long as people who get them are happy with them.

- My mother who purchased me a ridiculously-priced designer bag to replace the one I bought at Urban Outfitters and had been using. She said that my Urban Outfitters' bag looked like "cows' intestines." I've never bought a designer anything in my life and detest knock-offs, but I love this bag. I carry it around with me, even in the house, like Sophia Petrillo.

- This Ramones song. It's my favorite because - and no insult to the late great Joey Ramone - the lyrics sound like something Liam would write.

- Summer! Warmer weather, digging in the earth, homegrown tomatoes, being outside.

- That my little rant on homeschooling was apparently "loud" enough to be heard up at the state capitol. I received an email from the chair of the House of Representatives' Education Committee: "...I will no longer patronize Subway for their discrimination of homeschoolers.  Thank you for getting the word out.  I wish I had a list of all those who discriminate against non-public schools and homeschoolers.  I've found a few myself and work hard to protect homeschoolers as part of my job in the legislature.  I can feel a bill developing ..."

- Mullet wigs.

Your turn.