Wife/mother/woman crap: June 2006 Archives

Pre-Monster Syndrome


This past week I've been ridiculously crabby. Before I continue, a service to the male readers - ATTN. MEN: I am about to talk about PERIODS on my website. Avert thine eyes if the discussion of menstruation and the accompanying hormones bothers you.

Anyway, I've always noticed that my hormones go girls gone wild, wild meaning slightly homicidal, at the onset of every cycle. Lately though, I think it's becoming worse. I've always chided women who blame their normally witchy behavior on PMS but after I had kids my PMS began morphing me into the female Ken Shamrock. And the only reason I know who he is is because Chris likes to watch Ultimate Fighting because we've been living in this small town too long and are becoming hoosiers as a result.

Last week my hormones pinned me against the wall. One event in particular set it off, and I hate to be vague but it's required at this point otherwise POOP + FAN. This event caused my tongue to fork and I was curt and unreasonably witchy for the rest of the week. In addition, my seventeen-year-old cousin decided to come home at 2 a.m. that's TWO IN THE MORNING, THAT'S THREE HOURS PAST CITY CURFEW, the curfew of a city she's NEVER driven around in, EVER. I growled demonically into the phone to the people she was out with and resisted the overwhelming urge to drive 45 minutes north to where she was - 25 minutes away from the place she was supposed to be - and THROW DOWN kuntry-style. After we waited up for her - me pacing the hardwood floors in my stilettos (we attended a big Greek wedding while she went to a concert) - I lectured her about all of the raping! murdering! mugging! robbing! stabbing! and carjacking! that goes on in this city. I was all "THIS IS NOT THE SMALL TOWN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME." I also put a scary emphasis on the importance of answering one's cell phone when their older cousin, who's charged with their care, calls to check on their well-being.
If she were my daughter I would've tied her to the kitchen table, but alas, she is not.

Not so much a help with the whole PMS thing.

Usually I have unbearable cramps - I had a mild case of endometriosis which subsequently vanished after my second pregnancy - but for the past year I've had nothing but fatigue and harsh mood swings. The mood swings aren't so much "swings" as they are death-defying free falls into the fieriest pits of hell. I recognize what's going on and I take care to reign in my mood. My body runs like clockwork and I meticulously chart my body's schedule so I can immediately identify why I feel the need to scream and dismember puppies. I've also cut out any and all caffeine and unnecessary sugar from my regular diet and am eating healthier than usual. Chris and I've discussed it; I plan to meet and discuss the situation with my OB because WOW.

I've been hesitant to discuss women's mood swings and the treatment of such - be it natural or medicinal - publicly because in doing so you're TOTALLY ASKING FOR IT. I'm most concerned with the "suck it up" response because I HAVE BEEN SUCKING IT UP and all of the sucking is giving me a headache.
I'm just curious about all of the options out there. Maybe I should embark on an exercise program. I flirted with yoga once; I bought a DVD and tried to do it at home but the boys were all "HUMAN. JUNGLEGYM." When I was able to do it I felt great afterwards. It's just near impossible to find regular help with the boys aside from our neighbor-girl whom we have watch the boys for a few hours once a week while I work.

So in conclusion: I'm not depressed. I'm just beyond cranky once a month and I'd like to make that better.


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